Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
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Top comments
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
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Comments (219)
bigomar18 3
Tell her to try Beano ( any major retail store sells it)
Late_night83 25
Lol!!!!!
KiddNYC1O 22
Natural gas right there.
bubo_fml 11
Dutch Oven! (a.k.a. Scottish Bed warmer!)
nothingmuch_ 5
Vegetarianism should be explicitly prohibited by the Geneva Convention. Sensory deprivation is a form of torture! (That includes deprivation of good tasting food)
jovanwife 0
whats spoonin'
m3owmix 1
You are crazy! Don't blame that nonsense on the fact your spouse turned vegetarian.
megapeyt 17
OP-Did you just shit your pants? Spouse- "giggles" -softly whispered- maybe...? :)
suprmidgt 0
So the FML is that she farted or that now you have to deal with a vegetarian and the high and mightyness that most of them seem to portray?
suprmidgt 0
So the FML is that she farted or that now you have to deal with a vegetarian and the high and mightyness that most of them seem to portray?