Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (219)
Toowoo 3
Woow that's nasty lol
ShakeMeDown 12
See, if she was a Vegan, she would have superpowers.
Boygenius50 8
Magnitude 8!
prinzess_fml 25
Now I'm curious: how would it be like if she farts while you are doing it anal? Would it technically be a "blow" job?
denbeste 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#33 Lame joke. Not even close to being funny.
prinzess_fml 25
#35 At least it gave you an opportunity to say something.
iFizzgig 11
*what* would it be like.
prinzess_fml 25
#56 Oops! :) Thank you for correcting, it helps me improve my English.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
It's called a "to"fart
liltexasdancer 0
Sadly, I must have missed out on those powers when I became vegan..
fredlax9 7
Wat kind of life jacket do u wear
cayytee 0
no. it blows.
raven_of_azarath 35
@prinzess_fml it’s a common mistake for those learning English. I’ve noticed other languages use the equivalent of “how” instead of “what” there. Just practice, and you’ll get it! (Also, go you for learning English. I’ve heard it’s the hardest to learn as a second language.)
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
TeamCatastrophe 3
Hahaha I laughed so hard :3
Ali_Br_fml 33
lolz, I know right? "Junk rattling fart." Haha, that alone made me laugh.
EvilPotato 15
Am I the only person who got turned on by this FML?
DeathbatAttack 17
30, of course not
n_epic_fail 14
Sounds like she's a danger to the o-zone layer.
nikChick447 6
oh. how lovely... ya shoulda stuffed meat in her mouth and ass after that one
xcarxcrashx 9
79, just ew
Drummerboy1234 0
30 - I'm gonna go out on a limb and say yes
bigantennaemay 3
79 has me still lol'ing.
Bekll 31
It's all that healthy food she's eating...
iliketurdles 7
Hey Captain Obvious, you're so obvious. You state obvious statements because you're obviously obvious.
GraveRobber14 13
It is really hard to say your comment quickly out loud. Lol
lovepotion75 4
I swear 45 you're dp suits your statement.
Bekll 31
To be more specific, her body is getting used to the new diet. It'll take some time and some suffering on OP's part. Same happened with my father. My mother became a vegetarian some time after they were together.
4realz226 0
^^^^?????? :/ these r times when I happy that I don't actually hear the ppl on here hahah
darkcrystal87 7
84 - *your your = possessive, indicating that the "dp" is his. you're = you are 3rd grade English...
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
EvilPotato 15
Why does OP want to stick his penis in her now? Oh wait....
prinzess_fml 25
They say vegetarians have better sex. No one will believe this bullshit, or rather bullfart, anymore now.
xcarxcrashx 9
37 please stop trying
Brice28_fml 10
88- I love how you said that and look at who is getting thumbed down
prinzess_fml 25
Thank you #91
xcarxcrashx 9
I'm so heartbroken.
rustytromboney 3
Total bullshit... Who wants to **** and get farted on. They don't have sex
darkmis1 18
I don't fart and I'm a vegetarian. And they don't say vegetarians have better sex - they say vegetarians taste better.
Trugita 0
127, how do you not fart? Is that even possible for one to not pass gas every so often?
Towerhead1 0
Girls dont fart
TheClumsiest 0
girls dont fart they fluff
lvlcapblue 0
Girls don't fart, burp or shit. That's why they BITCH to keep from exploding!
darkcrystal87 7
154 - girls don't fart? Where have you been hiding you brain lately? Girls sure as heck do fart! And dang if her ass-gas didn't make mine smell like a fresh display of potpourri!
Phil 14
LOLOLOLOL
Torva_fml 16
Fight fire with fire >:D
malignantmegan 3
Oh dear god.... We have a substitute for mustard gas if that happens ;~;
syki 22
I see you're prepared with your own bio-fashion mask.
megapeyt 17
"This; is war!" -John Belushi; 1944
herpdeladerp 0
*fight gas with gas*
RandomB 0
Well that just sucks.
rkmepm 16
Yeah it does. And you do too.
iam_yummylicious 12
I think the correct statement would be "That blows."
ShroomsOnAcid 17
That farts.
RandomB 0
Ur mom
bloopaloop 27
Actually, it blows.
onedayinamsterda 14
time to return the favour! Go vegetarian for a week, get her to spoon you and allow her to bask in the rewards!
Yodaevil 4
Not worth a week of hell! Spice up some steak or taco's. The unleash the fury!
krez 20
No need to ruin his own diet to fight back. We omnivores have a secret weapon: White Castle!
ThorneCrossed 9
How would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10?
FYLDeep 26
Five out of five popcorn shakers.
MerNoEngrush 0
Over 9000!!!!
CryMoreFMLs 15
8.2 on the Richter scale.
ThatLooksSticky 16
"Junk-rattling" has got to be at least a 9.
IceCreamMage 17
On a scale of 1 - 10? Probably a Michael Moore.
JojoChuo 8
Veggie fart.
MizzErikaHart 8
Vart
Jesus_Christ69 0
I have nothing to say..
THE_A_TEEN 28
You know, it's easy, Don't comment. Simple as that.
rkmepm 16
I like turtles
ShroomsOnAcid 17
But apparently you did, since you said something. Now that just makes you a liar.
Teehee2 0
and no one likes liars.
Purplefluff 6
Even in the future we don't like liars