Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
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Top comments
Niicky_fml 20
The way this is worded is fantastic.
kaprookie 3
Put some meat in her ;)
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Comments (219)
Calen5556 0
It was so powerful it "rattled your junk"?
Jesus_Christ69 0
Yes I believe that is what he said. :)
Torva_fml 16
That's what he said didn't he?
megapeyt 17
NO!!!! IT RATTLED HER JUNK!!! What do you think?
EvilPotato 15
That's hot.
paschale 7
That is such crap, vegetarians have much better smelling farts. Think about it, rotting meat in your gut cannot be healthy....or fragrant.
toelie 26
Rotting ANYTHING in your gut can't be healthy or fragrant.
FYLDeep 26
Yeah, I'm sure rotting cabbage and asparagus smells delightful.
2O12 6
I don't think rotting tofu would smell much nicer. /:
IThinkItsAlright 7
It doesn't rot in your gut. It's broken down in the stomach. The biggest reason farts smell is because of the bacteria living in your colon.
Savra_fml 17
And fermenting veggies is like prefume to you nose? Anyway, the problem was the force that rattled his balls, not the smell. Do you often smell things with you pussy?
prinzess_fml 25
The thing is, vegetarians fart more. Because the food they eat produces more gas while being digested. It's not a matter of smell. As far as I know, meat alone doesn't make you fart.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Fermented vegetables are a tasty treat, 38. They're quite common in some parts of the world, so yes, to some it's a pleasant smell. Then again, farts never smell pleasant.
hillbillyboy1993 7
U ever smell a broccoli or a green bean fart??? Apparently not...
ihavenosoul 4
I don't think farts smell good at all...
saIty 17
When you fart you say the smell is unique, mysterious, and interesting. When someone else lets one rip you go: WTF?!? Who the **** farted?!? God it smells like something ******* died in here. Now I can't stop saying ****! Cause it smells so bad.
megapeyt 17
148; EPIC WIN
lightburns 10
Why should rotting vegetation be any better?
4realz226 0
Ewwww!
j_cat187 20
Speaking of fermented veggies, vodka farts are the worst farts
Gubbon 17
Meat stays much longer in the gut than plants.
Ray_of_midnight 23
time for a nice cabbage omelet followed by a Dutch oven.
kaykay20 0
Spinach would actually be worse since it's a veggie that causes gas. Can be quite foul which is why I prefer not eating it.
leadman1989 16
Veggie farts smell like dog farts. The kind you can taste ate the back of your throat. She's like your stinky little puppy now... how cute. :p
FYLDeep 26
Yeah it's not going to smell like teen spirit. That's for sure.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
20, It's not because of the veggies. Like someone else said, it depends on the bacteria in your gut. And like I said somewhere else here, the whole problem is easily fixed with real yogurt, kefir, or other cultured food. And please don't tell me tell me a cow fart smells worse than a lion fart.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
just laughed so hard!
LiveLaughFML 10
*cleveland voice* oh, that's nastyy.
nonelikeworms 0
Junk rattllng
jonn090 13
Ignore her keep milking that bitch
pie29302930 0
Icky
Savra_fml 17
Block the source of the storm....stick your thumb in it. That should teach her.
johannawho 14
Giddity.
omfgfmlife 0
giggity?
leadman1989 16
GOO
malignantmegan 3
She might explode???
j_cat187 20
Ur penis will provide a tighter seal. Giggity
4realz226 0
Johanna I love ur hair! Lol off topic!