Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (205)
Thorzix 23
You should indeed give him away to a better family, since both of you have such "intelligence issues" that you can't even realize that IT'S A DAMN DOG. He doesn't know the door will burn him, you cook stuff in there so the door inevitably has a slight food smell, which he can detect rather easily BECAUSE HE'S A DOG.
Anonymous2194 4
You're a douchebag as well. Geeze, what's with all the assholes today?
BaldoktheMystic 3
Aaaaaand argument lost in one fell swoop
yung_dubbs 9
Why do you people down vote those comments. They're just trying to be funny. I'm new here but I'm feeling everyone is a little too sensitive here.
more4me 27
That's what they do !
Rob3062 3
Just because a dog may be a bit slow doesn't mean that you should just get rid of it. Remember that dog loves you unconditionally.
blurider17 11
Could've been worse?
worldclassrager 41
New puppy or keep a closer on fido for a bit...give it a bit more time...he's getting used to his surroundings still
GMX2000 8
You had to learn not to touch hot things too.
jenna5960 7
It doesn't matter how stupid a dog may possibly be. You don't give it away. Maybe you should give your husband away?
chelseaalise 12
That's no reason to re-home a dog. please don't adopt any more pets.
lfrider92 21
Why would you get rid of a dog for not being smart? Dogs are like people. Some are smarter than the rest. Would you give your kid away if he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer? My dog happens to be very smart, but I wouldn't give him away even if he wasn't. Glad your on the dogs side atleast