Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
frenchie_crazed 10
I'm not sure if their intelligence depends on their breed. I tried to teach my dog (a frenchie) to not lick stuff off the floor by spreading minced hot peppers on the floor. Did he learn? No, he finished licking my whole kitchen floor. Doesn't stop me from adoring him though :p
boshbish 14
1: Every dog does dumb shit. Every dog owner has many stories they could tell you. Abd 2: You intend to give your dog away because it's stupid? Its about giving an animal a loving and canine-ideal home and life. Should you even be dog owners??
WeskersSexslave 15
its he trainers fault not the dog. in other words, you might want to learn how to train a dog
tehdarkness 21
You can't just give away your retarded dog. You made a commitment.
princessty_xoxo 4
You're not the only one who has a stupid dog, my dog ran into the wall this morning when I opened the door.
princessty_xoxo 4
My dog is stupid because he runs into walls and he doesn't pay attention to where he's walking or going.
FMLMaximus 23
Awh! is his tongue okay? Dumb dogs need lovin' too!
Stuffaluffagus 25
Just because a dog is dumb doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a home too
shakespearelove 6
You don't give a dog away because it has "intelligence issues". I'm sorry, but people like your husband make me sick.
Bliepje 22
sounds like it needs a little training