Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
walkingspastic 22
Sounds like you need to give your husband away. I can tell he has some pretty bad intelligence issues of his own. You don't give a dog away because his IQ isn't what you'd like it to be.
goaliegirl39 10
Don't know if anyone has said this yet but, you need to give the dog time and train him as you would with any animal. Also with this you would get rid of a human if they had intelligence issues would you? Just think about before making any decisions
BlackFames 16
That's not really the dogs fault. I don't think that I've ever seen an animal that knows how an oven works.
gabix3 16
That is an awful reason to get rid of a dog. Some people shouldn't be pet owners.
tuffykat 8
dogs are like toddlers...would you leave the hot oven open if you had a toddler in your home, maybe you are ill equiped to care for animals, please don't have children! you husband probably said the dog is too dumb being nice, you are actually at fault!
tricias73 3
A study I read showed that dogs have brain waves similar to those of a 2 year old. What you said is just like saying you should get rid of your dumb ass 2 yr old because he didn't know the oven was hot.
TheMystery13 13
Get rid of your husband instead.
ExiledRemixx 13
Can't really call a dog a dumbass when humans are. A dog will treat everyone equal while we humans will be ******* stupid and not use our brains and be ass holes.
patrickjdowns202 8
keep it
weekendhero 11
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink...you can lead a dog to victory, but he might lick the oven.