Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
Musiclover1482 9
Even if the dog was smart you should still keep an eye on it. Stupid or smart if you don't have time to care for a dog than don't get one. They are just like children and need supervision.
TheCrispyCat 20
You can't give him away. More people will realize his issue and it will be a cycle of new owner's for him, which will **** him up even more mentally.
Mackay92 14
Don't have a baby with him...Who knows he might want to get rid of the kid because it doesn't know how to clean and change itself
ViviMage 40
Not a dumb dog. It probably smelled food and never realized ovens are hot. Course, if you want a dumb dog, our male beagle used to wee in the oven if we left it open to get the cookies out!! Cooked his foot and the pee flavoring/smell didn't really enhance the cookies!
Sniper_Chick4110 20
There are no stupid dogs, only stupid owners.
ThePez828 18
...but not even the smartest dog would think, "Hmmm. The oven smells good but it's hot so I'll leave it alone." That has nothing to do with intelligence.
Witchylady 18
Is the dog ok?
TheSexyBurrito 13
What, it's not normal to lick the inside of an oven?
juwannaman 11
Poor dog. Why didn't you leave the oven open. And that doesn't mean he's stupid or lacking in intelligence. They don't have ovens in the wild
MrZsDad 19
**** that, get rid of the husband. Chances are that pup will end up in a pound and euthanized. At least hubby can fend for himself, it is to be hoped.