Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
bombielol 20
poor baby it's not his fault ): dont give him away..
briang959 47
The dog deserves a better family.
Anonymous2194 4
The husband was in the wrong, but OP seems like she actually cares about the dog, so don't pin this on her.
ksks1234 33
70-- I am beginning to think you are OP...
cook4money 9
#81. I thought the same thing, this person is very defensive about this post. This person is either directly involved with the fml or just really feels a connection with OP.
bk64 9
"Today my owners were fighting with each other about something. To my dismay I saw some yummy stuff on the side of the box they use to make food, plus I know they like it when things are clean, so I thought they would be happy and stop yelling, it was a good win win situation. for some reason my tongue hurts now.. I am gonna go lick my balls... Fml" dogs perspective
more4me 27
You win ! :)
weveallbeenthere 30
guess your food smelled good.
edmunson 22
Do you have kids? God forbid one of them is special needs because they are in danger if being abandoned orphans. I really hate you back-ass reasoning!
micdundee0047 4
That is not the dog's fault. That is your fault for leaving the hot door open. How many dogs do you thing understand the meaning of the little red light? You should get rid of the dog seeing how you are too stupid to take care of one. I'm sure anyone else would do a better job.
Anonymous2194 4
Just kill yourself. You, and several others on here are undeservedly giving OP a hard time.
Razi_tail 25
Obviously there was something that smelled good on the oven door. Try cleaning your oven, not leaving it open for the dog to lick, and keeping the dog out of the kitchen while cooking. A dog is not going to know how hot something is without learning first. You can do preventative steps even though it has probably learned it's lesson by now.
Saraishi 25
You should've asked your husband if the next time he makes a mistake you should just give him away to someone else. Sorry OP, but he sounds like an shallow jerk from where I'm standing. Poor puppy.
SunTzu2 9
They've nearly all said what I think except one very important thing. The dog will adapt to its master very well, in character and sometimes in actions or mannerisms. Real life jokes about this are all over the press and internet. It's more likely he's blended in just fine.... Not that I'm saying you are the stupid one OP
lannisters 9
awww poor dog... is he fine???