Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
baseballbv 17
Well looks like the dog wasn't the only one that got burned.
laxbrosive 4
nope he was the only one that got burned
EpicJames24 18
tell him: dogs are stupid. giving him away won't fix that.
gracehi 33
Exactly! If he wanted a smart pet, he should have gotten a monkey. Besides, dogs being dumb is half the fun of owning one. "Go get the ball! HA HA! It's still in my hand!" I love that game.
Nonamesavailable 7
or maybe if they trained it, they wouldn't have this problem....
WeskersSexslave 15
the trainers are stupid.
Dgarcia2014 13
Dogs aren't stupid sooo.....you must be either stupid or ignorant yourself.
gracehi 33
Compared to humans or even monkeys, yes dogs are definitely stupid.
angelitared 27
Poor dumb thing.
08zw 19
Close your oven door if you have a dog around! YDI especially if you're aware of your dog's "intelligence issues"
Anonymous2194 4
Oh for ***** sakes, stop trying to blame OP. Clearly she was using it, and what dog licks the inside of an oven? She couldn't have known that would happen. So **** off.
Ashley_Radke 13
I agree! My dog is far from the sharpest tool in the shed and she tries to lick the oven all the time when we open it even for a brief moment. That's why she
Ashley_Radke 13
Stupid app. That's why she isn't allowed in the kitchen.
LowExpectations 30
She has you licked OP. Sorry you ended up in such a hot mess about your dog. Perhaps you can convince her after you both cool off.
eggmarie 25
"My husband"
LowExpectations 30
... Damn it... Well at least I had fun typing that, oh well, I accept your down votes.
PenguinBitch 44
It's a new dog, so at least you and the dog won't feel very emotionally attached.
Sangue0608 26
You don't have to have a pet long to be emotionally attached.
Capitan 15
Hope your kids are smart for their sake....
Vidrill 22
Why would you give up your dog if it's not very smart? Would you also give up your child for that? Ok, it's not a perfect parallel, but when you buy a dog you make a commitment to take care of it, regardless of its intelligence.
jdesa 2
Dogs don't know that the oven is hot. Not it's fault. Maybe don't leave the oven open
Anonymous2194 4
Maybe you should know that the OP was using it, you dumbass.
arre2006 19
In the dogs defense, the inside of the oven has the most flavor, what with the baking and whatnot