Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
Chris93Jones 20
hope you kept the dog. also hope you respond to the fml
doglover100 29
What dog knows ovens are hot?
drainingyou 11
Know the feeling, my dog is an absolute idiot. Went out one day, and on my way back I saw a massive long stream of traffic. As I got closer, turned out my dog had escaped and was standing in the middle of the road with his tongue hanging out and tail wagging at the cars that had grinded to a halt in front of him. Had to apologise and drag him back inside. Do love him to bits though! I couldn't get rid of him.
Tymaster5 22
Am I the only one who got teary from this? Poor thing this just ruined my day.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Not tears... I've volunteered in pet shelters. A bit over all the tears. It just made me a little angry. But i can relate, i'll be thinking about it for half the day.
mybubbles2000 13
Oh he so won that argument. Sorry OP, I have a dog just like that. Not a beagle by chance is it?
HJKM_fml 19
aww. At least it's better than the dog being so smart that (s)he's constantly outsmarting you.
Slackness 10
Owww poor babe
buckdharma 38
The dog has only just discovered what "hot" is. Before this he was ignorant, not stupid. He has learned something and should not repeat this behavior. Continue to defend him unless he does this again.
ViviMage 40
Ignorance is if you did it once. Stupid is when you do it again!
winkydink13 6
Well, if you forget that your hot oven is open, maybe your home isn't quite suitable for a dog. YDI
alex_gen 39
Think for a moment. If he thinks mentally-deficient canine is too much to handle, then how would it be fair to give it away to someone else? They would be in the same situation. Just because the dog's not perfect shouldn't be any reason to give it up. It might not know any better. For all we know, it could be a puppy. He just needs love, attention, and training. He might actually end up to be pretty smart!