Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML
Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
This is really an FtDL (**** the Dogs Life)
SundayNightSix 23
What I want to know is why the hell the "hot oven door" was able to be licked.. If he just walked over while you were still using it, then I feel more sorry for the dog that you left the hot oven open.. =/
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Comments (205)
robertmil90 10
awesome lol
BaldoktheMystic 3
He has the height of derp?
waynesworld21 5
Most people wouldn't let their dog anywhere near an oven because it could potentially harm them, and also dogs have no idea what the hell an oven is or that it is hot! You two are the ones with intellectual problems, you cold hearted ass holes!
MarbleMel 2
You don't give a dog away just cause it isn't smart!
ibanghellokitty 8
Poor pup.. ):
fantasyworld 39
He doesn't know what an oven is. He just smelled food.
Rolloplaysdrums 5
What if your child had intelligence issues? :(
Pikachu106 4
A pet is like a child. It doesn't know any better. Don't give the poor thing away.
PinkiePiePony 19
My golden retriever had intelligence issues at first ( and still has a few). She used to always get her head stuck in our gate and she would pull off the gate and run around the yard with it stuck on her head. I have no idea how she was able fit her head in the gate.
Morgana666 6
must be a lab lol. My lab is stupid beyond all reason. My ex tried to make ms get rid of the dog. I told him that he had a place to go, the dog didn't and that was my answer. One of the many reasons he is an ex now. I still have the dog and love him to pieces.