Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML
Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML
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Top comments
DemonChicken 0
or maybe the,"good joke honey" was sarcasm for,"I know you've given a million handjobs,just touch it" think about it!!
tencentsakiss 19
or your dad knows you are a vegetarian but assumed that you could still at least touch meat. refusing to touch it seems extreme.
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Comments (571)
sweetcheeks_gurl 0
who cares if the animal is being treated poorly. theyve been treated inhumanely since cavemen days. besides these animals are being breed for our meat consumption ways so they're just fulfilling what they were born to do
sweetcheeks_gurl 0
who cares if the animal is being treated poorly. theyve been treated inhumanely since cavemen days. besides these animals are being breed for our meat consumption ways so they're just fulfilling what they were born to do
SaturnE_fml 0
So your dad doesn't monitor what's on your plate, you're old enough to get your own food. Be a good kid and do as your told, and please use a spatula instead of your fingers.
corb0082 0
oh i thought he was leading more towards a sex joke.
Carolina_girl222 0
ydi it for being a vegeterian
aardvarkish 17
There goes the "red meat makes you fat" argument.
shianne000 0
did he make u cook it
aardvarkish 17
I work with bullets, but I don't eat them. Hint, hint.
lnull 0
Its meat you can freaking touch it. I'm lactose intolerant but I still handle dairy.
caroliiineXD_fml 0
there's nothing wrong with being a vegetarian. so shut your mouths. i'm a vegetarian because i physically CAN'T eat meat. you don't know the reasoning, quit judging. gosh.
BeyondDespair 0
190, Vegans can be healthy if they do it the right way, and with any diet you have if you don't eat right or exercise, you can become unhealthy. It's the same for everyone. :)