Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
Welshite 40
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
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Comments (111)
Witchylady 18
Was it multiple choice ?
energizerbunny23 18
101 how to be a moron
plunkit 6
Or... he may be a good guy with a sense of humor and this girl has just friend zoned him to the point of desperation.
Vlortch_fml 6
Double standards ? It probably would have worked if he was a woman and OP a man, hell it would have worked for me, think about that.
Sheh_fml 25
I don't think you know what "double standards" actually are. In this case, it would mean that one action is okay for one gender, but looked down upon for the other. And women telling men they need to take "oral exams" is not less frowned upon than men saying it. This is just a case of "standards", and hers not fitting with his behaviour. I think plenty of men would find it equally sleazy.
Vlortch_fml 6
#73 "I don't think you know what "double standards" actually are. In this case, it would mean that one action is okay for one gender, but looked down upon for the other." Are you kidding me ? That's exactly what I said xD ! It depends on the way he said it, but I'm guessing if he winked, it was probably jokingly. And yes, if a woman used the same trick on me, it would work because I'd find it kinky and funny, and I don't go on dates with people I wouldn't have sex with, but maybe I'm super weird.
kingdomgirl94 29
This FML doesn't say how long they've been dating. For all we know this is only the second date or they've been dating for like two weeks. Some people want something substantial emotionally before doing sexual things with people.
siggy_mcsigx 22
I get what you're trying to say but I really don't think this is a double standard. It's an equal level of aggressiveness and inappropriateness if a man OR woman says this to a new-ish date, but when it comes to double standards, which comes to sexism, there is so much rooted in "male entitlement" that, if this was said in seriousness, he believes that women owe him sexual acts by default simply because of gender and oh yeah he took her on a date or two. This is a popular but dangerous social mindset. As much as I know sexism goes both ways, the real issue with this weirdo's statement (if you want to make it an issue) would *so rarely* be reversed that no, it can't be a double standard. Women aren't taught and encouraged to have this mindset.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Continuing from the middle paragraph: This guy judges a woman's worth by how well she Serves him. He's a misogynist.
FatherofTime87 18
Looks like you fail
BandLife5ever 12
The Fastest way to become Single.
Han1156 23
So you didn't meet up with Pete later that night?
NotInUse22 16
But what if he was a dentist offering free exsaminations
airportlad 4
Perhaps he wanted to test you general knowledge skills with this proposed test
NiceGuysDoWin 21
How sad must your life be if you think sex is something that cannot be joked about? Sex is intimate, but it is also fun and dirty and sweaty. Someone is going to get a cramp. Someone is eventually going to fall off the bed. If you can't laugh and have a sense of humor about sex, you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.