Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Today, I went on a date and to lighten the mood a little, I told her that I had kissed a guy drunk and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket. She clearly didn't get it, and was so horrified that she went home and posted what I said on the internet. FML
JessiGoose 0
Haha!!! That's a winner in my eyes. I don't think this is fml, it's just funny and cute.
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Comments (166)
failboatrollover 1
woah first but srsly i don't get it she's frigid?
DumbStruck79 0
As the OP is a woman, I imagine (following the storyline) her date was a guy. But sounds like a keeper though!
failboatrollover 1
oh my misread fail
jackkerouc9 0
atleast it wasnt "and I am wearing a Victoria Secret $400 diamond incrusted silky g string."
Skull_300 0
He also works at Denny's. He is a sausage smuggler. Did he sing you any show tunes? his excse for that was that he was in 5th grade choir.
MrdeBlaque 0
I fail to see the problem.
JD_88 0
I don't get it?
corbincorbin 0
*cough* gay *cough* *cough*
supermonkelyn 6
I don't think this is an FML because he's being honest. at least he's not waiting until you come over to see his blanket and your not hearing that he kissed a guy from his friends because they'll probably make it sound awful.
OctoberRainfall 13
Your username is 'Shawty?' You need to change that.
JessiGoose 0
Haha!!! That's a winner in my eyes. I don't think this is fml, it's just funny and cute.
ohmylanta22 5
I agree 38, I find it really adorable that he put what he's most self conscious about out there.
mubaki 18
quit while you're behind
allmidnighteyes 11
YDI for using "Shawty" as your alias.
Exhumed 0
this
FMY_FYL 0
is sparta.
RavensRule97 0
*kicks guy off cliff*
FAKEstfu 0
total win :D
MotoXCross_22 0
Epic Win!!! lmao
LemonadePink 0
Umm...okay...big deal? I think it's funny too. Not an FML whatsoever.
cmac86 24
wait, I'm confused. how is this an fml?
teddyddet 3
Is she implying that dating you is also a dare , and you're another drunk guy
oopsiessss 9
Shes a girl ?
Shadic 0
Wah, honesty.
alicexox 0
Just keep going with it until he invites you into bed, then steal his blanket :)
DarkPrince_fml 0
if my gf EVER steals my blanket she's getting shot with an ak47
liller90 0
138 - lolololol
Sickasstrickflip 0
What an absurd looking dog you have.
reki_fml 0
Today, I went on a date and to lighten the mood a little, I told her that I had kissed a guy drunk and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket. She clearly didn't get it, and was so horrified that she went home and posted what I said on the internet. FML