Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
Welshite 40
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
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Comments (111)
hplover7 11
Ahh accidentally pressed YDI. Sorry! What a douchbag. Better luck next time op!
awkward_gothlady 32
Guess it's always kind of nice when the weirdos show their true colors early on...
chikoflake1 2
Hahaha gtta admire his boldness though. Reminds me of HIMYM with the guy who gets naked and hopes the girl sticks around smh
DanielleinDC 34
Hopefully you didn't invest too much time in this schmuck before he made the oral exams remark and you decided to cut him loose. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and realize that telling women he dates that they must pass a series of "oral exams" to continue dating is a sure way to get his butt kicked to the curb.
Lehk 9
eeew
ak_kadie 5
did you know your more likely to get throat cancer from oral than using tobacco?!?!?!
KennyBound 12
At least you nipped it in the bud beforehand.
stressengr 13
Smart guy. If a woman won't go down on you, she isn't worth your time. NEXT
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Tell him well sir, you have failed my oral exams...