Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
Welshite 40
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
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Comments (111)
Ben009 13
Real smooth talker eh!
fsomelife 26
Oh Daaaanny Bo-oooy
amzing_a16 10
Way to cheer OP up!
fsomelife 26
Futurama is an excellent way to cheer people up.
olpally 33
How about a facial exam for him where you punch him in the face for being a douche.
DemosthenesMB 13
He must live in the middle of the ocean, 'cause he's thirsty as f***.
zoegirl_455 30
Sounds like a really classy guy
Luigi2012SM64DS 6
You should punch him in the oral cavity.
breeaannuuhh 14
Tell him you may not pass the oral exam, but you'll do fine in the physical when you beat his ass. Sorry you had to waste time with a person like him, OP.
absynthe76 10
You always test drive a new car before buying.
glabberfasted 16
They're not anywhere near marriage, this comment is completely irrelevant.
_rina_lee_ 5
Good for you! He is an idiot, girl power!
jmcr 27
Wow he sure is a smooth operator -_-