Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
Welshite 40
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
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Comments (111)
A_Matt 12
I don't mean to be rude but how does it suck for you must suck for the corny dude. Oviously you broke up with him if I'm interpreting this fight.
dawnimus 21
Maybe she really liked him and is disappointed that he turned out to be a jerk?
brandoneyez1 25
He watches to much ****.
frankmac26 5
lol If he needs to use that line he's a loser
shine999 12
I hope he didn't mean it the other way! Wink wink ;)
Credibleskills 28
That's a pretty weird way to get some head, but it might work though
eyepuppy 31
OP's post reminds me of that old, stupid MTV show, next.
pump281 4
I thought it was funny...
darkfireflame 15
Yeah in that "Wow I can't believe he said that." kind of way.
Sheh_fml 25
I thought so too, but how he said it (which we don't know) changes everything. If he tried to persuade her instead of laughing if of, I would have left too. If he just treated it as a bad joke and then continued being nice and non-sexual I probably wouldn't mind.
SaintGoobers 19
How Rude.
worldclassrager 41
I think he should look into dental plans himself
Caelrona 8
Did he happen to mention having a friend named Pete?