Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML
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Top comments
Sathane 21
Found the Vegan.
gratunka 11
it could be environmental. nothing to do with you. take your wife to the great outdoors for some nature rumbling/tumbling.
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Comments (106)
metalgearsoldier 6
just how drunk were/are you, mate?
XxDanno316xX 27
I doubt "whisky dick" was the source of the OP's problem :)
countryb_cth 38
It was grassy dick, that's his problem.
FalloutScrolls 25
I've heard of some weird fetishes before, but if that's what you get off on, that's what you get off on.
morley05 11
I guess trimming the grass turns you on. maybe you should trim your wife's grass. that should help you out bud
nickname_nick 11
Think about cutting grass when you're with your wife. Problem solved!
fatcat52 3
Bring freshly mown grass to the bedroom
Elban 20
Think they have candles out now with that scent. Get some of those he could probably qualify for some farming grants because of all the plowing going on
hilamonster06 21
Sorry dude, but I think that's more information than anybody wants to know.
Tarlachia 33
Ask your wife to dress up as a lawn ornament.
Elban 20
Hell yea! Garden gnome, beard might get itchy for her though. Could try a flamingo but there's no telling how long she'd be able to it standing on one leg
TheLynx_fml 20
This has to be the most entertaining FML I've ever read ?
kurodansei 16
But you're not sure?
StickyPickles 33
Perhaps you should nail her to the lawn. .
SunnySideUpp 9
Well wasn't that the most overly graphic FML I've ever read...