Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a Viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I woke up with a boner and found out that I have retrograde ejaculation. I'm stuck in jail and can't get medication to fix this. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
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Top comments
AyeTee77 18
Dude what
urbantrashcan 18
Haha I wonder how'd you react to Animal Planet
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Comments (67)
ARandomDickhead 8
BahahahahHa
gracehi 33
Get out.
whysobeachy 37
The erronous capitalisation added to the beauty of your obviously-beautiful comment. People like you are what makes this site worth using. :)
whysobeachy 37
^ Don't let the sweet smile fool you. My comment was about as sarcastic as it gets.
olpally 33
Either way, both of your comments were terrible^^
AyeTee77 18
Dude what
vikky538 29
Its called "gross" hopper
Silver7827 14
Sometimes I feel like I'm reading college yik yak on here.
LanceGoodthrust 19
Am I the only one wondering what made it so dire that he "had to" **********? I've had lots of erections, never have I felt that I just "had to" take care of it RIGHT NOW
drunkturtle 14
Well that's ****** up
urbantrashcan 18
Haha I wonder how'd you react to Animal Planet
sturschaedel 27
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Talonshere 14
Haha! Well now, we call this the act of mating But there are several other very important differences Between human beings and animals that you should know about
sturschaedel 27
Sweat baby, sweat baby, sex is a Texas drought, me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about.
dragonslayer3010 2
So put ur hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts.
ToxicTyrael 26
Are you 12-16? That's perfectly normal to get aroused by strange stuff during puberty. But FYL for this.
Loliology 10
Well then...
boating_guy 33
We've all been there, bro. And by we've all been there, I mean not all of us have been there. But it's the Internet, so at least one of us has been there, no matter how seemingly ******* weird that is. I hope the rest of puberty treats you well, and I hope you're actually going through puberty right now, otherwise just what the ****
Yastafari 16
No comment
Misswildsides 22
Then don't comment?
HappyItalian 38
I don't think I've ever seen two grasshoppers mating
sstahpp 33
When you're horny a snake eating a mouse looks like mating.
enginsteve 17
Damn, I thought I had an impressionable mind...
RedPillSucks 33
you probably have but most people wouldn't be able to tell what's going on
rachelthelime_fml 29
Ah, don't worry OP :) Just steer clear of the Discovery Channel