Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML
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Top comments
Sathane 21
Found the Vegan.
gratunka 11
it could be environmental. nothing to do with you. take your wife to the great outdoors for some nature rumbling/tumbling.
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Comments (106)
darkstarrising 18
Don't cheat on your wife with the grass.
priyaa_x 8
I don't think he was planning to
countryb_cth 38
It was an accidental grassing, no one plans for it, it just happens.
Trapgirl747 11
I don't see why this was down voted I found it pretty funny haha. Op I hope that it's nothing serious. But seriously this made me laugh
gary8082 14
Well maybe you should try mowing your wife's lawn in order to get aroused.
Rawrshi 25
That's an interesting form of foreplay.
MariaGiovanni 25
That was... descriptive. On a completely related note I'm going to rethink my choice of making spaghetti for dinner tonight. Good luck with your issue OP.
Severefear 7
Solution: Bang your wife on freshly cut grass.
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
Knees weak arms are heavy
Mike3258 18
MOM'S SPAGHETTI
nominaski 25
56, just . . . no
PePziNL 20
57: Yes.
Lalala579121 28
Did you throw your dick at the wall just to make sure it was cooked spaghetti?
buckdharma 38
You miss playing the field.
mds9986 24
Are those hedge clippers in your pants?
Stevethatguy 3
Is your name by chance Hank Hill?