Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML
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Top comments
Sathane 21
Found the Vegan.
gratunka 11
it could be environmental. nothing to do with you. take your wife to the great outdoors for some nature rumbling/tumbling.
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Comments (106)
restinpepperonis 13
Ever tried cutting her grass?
mattiscg 22
i think people vastly underestimate the power the brains has on the penis ability to function
lavanessa 7
finallly a True Man
8djht8 19
FYI boners are strongest when u wake up in the morn, and weakest later in the day, plus giant vibrations from a lawn mower would give anyone a boner.
S1N9UL4R17Y 8
that's just cruel...
Amke 3
It's that sexy sexy grasses fault.
I_own_a_dog 11
I feel your pain OP. Just learn what's the cause of it and communicate with your wife about it; and make sure she knows it's nothing to do with her cause that'll just hurt her if she thinks your not attracted to her and that's why you went limp.
frrrrr 13
well the grass does look sexy today
Richard6036 13
Well you know what's the ultimate rejection jerking off and your hand falls asleep. All joking aside though maybe you need to see a doctor
vikky538 29
It means you love nature.