Today, my mom filled out a Facebook post called, “If your kid was named after your pregnancy cravings, what would their name be?” Apparently my sister would be “Passion fruit and coal dust” and I’d be “Mint sauce and butt sex.” What the hell kind of cravings are those? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML
Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "Lil' yeast infection's sis." FML
Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML
Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML
Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cuz803 46
LMAOOO!!!! Interesting stuff. Your mom was wild when she had you two in the womb!
RichardPencil 32
The others are not meaningful, butt one might crave butt sex since you can't get pregnant that way. It might be an indication how much your mom wanted to have you. Sorry.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (6)
cuz803 46
LMAOOO!!!! Interesting stuff. Your mom was wild when she had you two in the womb!
RichardPencil 32
The others are not meaningful, butt one might crave butt sex since you can't get pregnant that way. It might be an indication how much your mom wanted to have you. Sorry.
poopface82 25
I’m curious how one craves coal dust. The other stuff, yeah, although I’d be quiet about one of those things if I were her. I mean, really? Mint paste?
Anderling 33
Wanting to eat things that aren’t normally considered edible is a condition known as pica, and it is apparently REALLY common in pregnant women. I can’t say why coal dust specifically except maybe mom associates it on some level with a comforting memory? Jury’s still out on the butt stuff though.
Brightside86 31
Your mom sounds fun.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Pregnancy hormones make people weird. This is something you can learn at your local Planned Parenthood clinic, Mint Sauce And Butt Sex.