Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, I found out that when you try to pick up my cat, its response is to let out the most stinky fart it can. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, to tease my cat for his naughty behavior and tendency to fart upon getting onto my lap, I tried to return the favor by farting on him while he was cleaning himself. It wasn't a fart. FML
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML
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Top comments
OEsEben 0
my girlfriend does this
VexDraham 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thats so great! I love your cat! lol.
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Comments (35)
OEsEben 0
my girlfriend does this
Wreckless_fml 6
Hate it when that happens.
djdeathwish 0
Your own fault for having a cat.
MrCatman1125 2
What's wrong with cats? They have just as much right to be in a home as any other thing, be it animal or man.
jessie841 11
I tend to agree.... Most cats aren't that nice
VexDraham 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thats so great! I love your cat! lol.
pacmanaids 0
I lol'd so hard at this. Your cat is awesome.
leye 0
aha #2...I feel sorry for you...LMAO!! funny cat... :P
l30n 0
I hate cats.
me127 17
I hate you.
trapiadora 0
Oh what thats wierd. Maybe you should get a new cat. jk
SAF_fml 0
Dont get a new cat, this one is obviously smart and likes you in a cute weird way
lakeylove 0
Your cat likes you! Sharing is caring!
bigraws23 0
What's a touch me not cat?
ThisRandomChild 0
The cat doesn't want to be touched. Not too difficult a concept really. Cats suck anyways.