Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
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Top comments
KingLewisII 34
Next time say I already warned you once.
subgub2222 16
That horrible and people like your wife are the reason so many people don't take real domestic abuse seriously, your wife and people who do what she's doing are making domestic abuse into a big joke when it's really something very serious.
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Comments (173)
22milesaway 13
I'd say that's grounds for divorce.
corysgirl1206 1
I'm sorry but that's kinda funny. She has a sense of humor at least?
maag192 8
I don't really think that's a good joke haha I mean that's pretty serious if someone believes it and decides to take action!
mixedone223 6
she had to be told twice
daydreamer244 13
It's gonna suck when someone takes that seriously. FYL Op, good luck dude.
LisaDay 14
i agree. maybe its a hint she wants you to be riugh with her.
LAuroraD 17
Dude that's ****** up on her part. That's not something you joke around with
brush17 7
just embarrass her by saying she likes it rough in the bed to complete strangers. or maybe even her parents if they ask
worldclassrager 41
People will believe what they want and if someone does call the police she'll have the right side of the story
avila_boy22 12
if she wants 2 play that, time ta pull out the pimp suit