Thanks a bunch

What an ass

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

Hello there

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

Dirty old bat

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML