Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
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Top comments
KingLewisII 34
Next time say I already warned you once.
subgub2222 16
That horrible and people like your wife are the reason so many people don't take real domestic abuse seriously, your wife and people who do what she's doing are making domestic abuse into a big joke when it's really something very serious.
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Comments (173)
Sinclair935 5
"That's two for flinching!"
hannahncm 1
I'm very accident prone and I do this lol
ThePols 11
Hahaha you married a keeper, dude.
siggy_mcsigx 22
:/ I could never do that to my gentle boyfriend
Epickitty58 29
Use her makeup to give yourself fake bruises and scratches. You got no pain, she got no game left to play. The only downside is that you may have to explain your side of the story to a jury of your peers once the domestic abuse calls start rolling in.
JJ_86 22
Well, it is hilarious. But hope she knows when to stop and explains in case someone takes it too seriously and try to report.
mt631 18
It's not hilarious at all. She's making light of a very serious problem and jeopardizing her husband's reputation in the process. Not to mention the fact that she may not get a chance to explain her joke to someone because they may report it without reacting. Spousal abuse is not a joke, ever. Period.
metalhead88 9
Wow your wife is horrible for doing that, one person will see that and call the cops then no one will believe her when she says it was a joke
nchic01 17
i crack up everytime i see this. your wife sounds hilarious
ShalalaLynn 8
It all depends, I punched a guy in the face for inappropriate touching and inappropriate comments especially cause my boyfriend was there (but he was busy at the moment) and said guy was supposed to be his friend, yet the other guys thought I was just being a bitch and yelled at me. They never even let me explain so now Im just the bitch :/ and I just decided it wasnt worth the arguement and just kept the truth to myself. Nobody wins when its physical. But I feel for OP, Im sorry bro. Its not funny when people assume and shit. I hope your wife doesnt continue this.
weveallbeenthere 30
actually the last part was funny.