Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
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Top comments
KingLewisII 34
Next time say I already warned you once.
subgub2222 16
That horrible and people like your wife are the reason so many people don't take real domestic abuse seriously, your wife and people who do what she's doing are making domestic abuse into a big joke when it's really something very serious.
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Comments (173)
MinaGermania 12
Go along with it see how people react :)
Link/DD 13
That is a terrible idea
Raidriar 14
Damn 14, do you wake up thinking "how can I get arrested today?"
World_Burner 13
What if I do #122.. lol Well if OP plays along, be sure to record it so that way you can put it up on YouTube to help raise awareness.
Bugger_off 8
Your wife is an idiot. Ask her yoga friends of teacher about what happened (via email), maybe blaming the yoga teacher a bit to get a reaction, and keep the answers on file. Do the same with one of your friends, in front of which she pulled this stunt, and file for divorce. She is taking you (and herself) down with her stupidities.
yerawizardlizzy 27
Call me crazy, but I don't think the fact she got a bruise in yoga is the problem here. (If I'm even interpreting this correctly.)
Sariasprincy 7
I'm guessing he meant to say in case the police get called OP will have evidence from the yoga instructor saying she tripped and that he didn't actually hit her. Still, this behavior isn't funny....DV is a very real problem.
yeahthatsmeee 10
Isn't a divorce a little drastic?
yerawizardlizzy 27
Thanks for clearing that up!! I really did not understand.
Tinad01 12
Did you just mention divorce? People take marriage WAYY too lightly. This could easily be solved with a simple conversation.
juturnaamo 29
I agree with you, but I see his point too. If she plays like this in front if the wrong person, OP might actually get his ass kicked.
lifeisadance1 10
Well that escalated quickly
andiesaur 18
Seriously, how is that a joke? That could get you into some serious trouble and hurt others along the way.
chocolatefrog28 29
Your wife may think it's funny, but it's disrespectful and mocks those that have actually suffered spousal abuse. It's not something to laugh about, that should be common sense.
everett75 4
My girlfriend got a black eye from her cat, oh man when we went out for supper, I thought the waiter was going to start swinging on me.
bernie81000 10
Raise your hand at her in public as if you were going to strike her
Sakuraashita 15
Tell her, "Honey, for the last time I did not MEAN to drop that banana peel, there's no need to bring this up, here." In front of everyone. Then she will look ridiculous and people will think it has to be some sort of joke, especially if you catch her off guard and make her laugh. Seriously though, FYL, she should be more mature than that. If she says that near a police officer.... Yikes!
ThatHorse 15
"Damnit woman, I told you the broken lube bottle was an accident!"
kelsorg 21
I'd ask her why she "keeps hitting herself". fyl.
Iso_Grifo 4
You have an awesome wife!
Fr0gs 15
I would use think this was funny until I learned about a third of women have been abused in their life
World_Burner 13
Uh men face domestic abuse too there kiddo.