Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
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Top comments
KingLewisII 34
Next time say I already warned you once.
subgub2222 16
That horrible and people like your wife are the reason so many people don't take real domestic abuse seriously, your wife and people who do what she's doing are making domestic abuse into a big joke when it's really something very serious.
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Comments (173)
ZombieSazza 34
As someone who's suffered domestic abuse that's not ******* funny and isn't something that's remotely appropriate to joke about. The actual ****.???
World_Burner 13
It was just a pillow fight! ..with only one pillow. Mine!
DarkStorm2Bad 14
You know what else is hilarious? Divorce. Best way to show her that making you look like a monster when you're not isn't funny in the slightest.
simsgirlgem 25
your wife is a horrible person domestic violence isn't a joke
RogueWarrior869 23
That's horrible OP. And is in no way funny. Does she have any idea what the heck she is possibly doing? You could get in trouble for something you didn't do, and this includes getting beaten up or having the cops called on you. I hope she knocks it off. Domestic abuse isn't funny by any means and should not be made into a joke.
JRtheSnowman 5
Leave her of she convinces people that easily you piss her off once you're going to jail and she's gonna have a bunch of witnesses
meghan7810 16
Sure it's fun to get rough with each other but I don't know anyone who gets turned on by getting a black eye.
blergdeblerg 2
Domestic abuse is never a joke.
oreoeater 21
Pretty interesting sense of humour
gblogbd 9
I don't see how hat can possibly be funny. Domestic violence is not a joke.