Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
I would feel sorry for the poor dear if she didn't make such a shallow excuse.
Mikeymikey 4
well there's only one thing left to do!!! Give her another black eye 0_o
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Comments (124)
Nylecroc 0
Snookied!
gutzzzz 0
hah! stab urself with a knife and say she did it :p that'll teach her!!!
Notjustanother1 0
you should hit her so her story is believable but just make sure it's the one with the black eye don't want her looking like a raccoon!
Peacemaker9 7
I agree with both number 8 and 9 yet u should make her pay in another way too..,
jplumbob 4
kick her ass for lying.
Nylecroc 0
Domestic Violence!!! Jersey Shore FTW!!!
taco_ninja_son 0
Let the thread-jacking begin... But yea sucks OP but rather funny ;)
summersizzle 0
hahahahahah! # 1 win! I <3 jersey shore! fist pumping like champs ;)
willgraham101 0
i hope u beat her with your dick evvery night cuz a healthy sex life makes for a better realationship. but seriously. i would tell her to go walk into another door cuz it would be an improvement
Ms_Jessie22 8
Wow smartie! She's a keeper!
bettadenne1 0
...so wen u gonna be on judge judy? dafp -__-
relyo 0
Punch her other eye as hard as you can. Then she'll match and she won't have to lie anymore. It's a win-win.
BriSabb 0
I've never really seen someone run into a door and get a black eye. I thought that was only on tv :P
Terwilliger 0
give her another one... she needs a nice pair of irish sunglasses
shayyyyy 0
lmao #1 FTW
HeroOfMi 0
I can't even begin to explain how stupid this is. I don't see why the hell she can't just take the blame. it was an accident and it's not like she is safe from her stupidity now...if u run into a door, chances are you will prolly do something else like that in your lifetime. I take the credit when I screw up like that because EVERYONE does that stuff
Snugglez 0
I agree with 54. OP you have a stupid gf
cabbitt 0
Get a new girlfriend before she hurts herself again and someone calls the police on you.
PineappleEspress 0
beat her for lying
annabell123 0
8 I agree!!!!
Pistolaro 0
wow
phreshboi 1
I see a lot of blonde jokes coming.... 2 blondes walk into a bar, they got knocked up.
Scientist007 0
Please tell me your joking. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!!! How in the world is he going to tell them of he's dead GENIUS?
teakaceli 0
Hahahaha that's a good idea! This is the funniest FML ever.
Mirorbo 27
I would feel sorry for the poor dear if she didn't make such a shallow excuse.
peacheso 31
I know!! That's the worst excuse ever. Now everyone else will look at OP like a bad person
Mikeymikey 4
well there's only one thing left to do!!! Give her another black eye 0_o
RokstaRx88 0
I have a better solution next time they have sex he should just stick it up her ass and not be gentle
Randen_fml 0
agreed with #75. she deserves that after that.
gress269 4
also agreed. perfect idea.
honne_tatemae 9
Bucking bronco?
ScreamForCandy 0
Ohh. Women beater! :p
irish_love 0
not such a nice gf you got there.. or smart..
RinoaHeartilly 36
Your girlfriend is full of fail.
JMWHS 0
^win
danabee09 0
wow. she's stupid.
canzo378 0
get rid of her and tell everyone else what actually happened
superbry 5
Most likely no one will believe it, they always take the woman's if they don't know the full story.
jesslackszazz 0
She's a keeper.
kaijapapaya 0
yeah...but this one was really funny.