Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
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Top comments
Haganbottom234 8
You deserve it, for doing jazz aerobics.
blumsden 0
I'd say I beat my kid, before I admitted to doing jazz aerobics...
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Comments (61)
fyl_bc_idc 0
1!!!!!
Siji 0
2!!!
KiddNYC1O 22
Noos.
Haganbottom234 8
You deserve it, for doing jazz aerobics.
Gfrigo 1
OP needs to come out of the closet.
juicedboi 7
Be more worried about people finding out that you do jazz aerobics. Also, quit beating your child..
gojira666 7
You could tell your wife u hit your child with the closet door on the way out.
KiddNYC1O 22
Nvm
ThatOneCanadian 0
i dont exactly envision a father that does "Jazz aerobics" as a child beater
thir13enthour 0
My thoughts exactly
NKG7896 3
Poor child. Has to live with a father that makes her do jazz aerobics.
monkeys1315 0
I've never heard of a guy doing jazz aerobics with his three year old
chick011 0
Ow. I hope you gave her candy after that.
CryMoreFMLs 15
In the back of a van too?
nikkilorenz7 5
you do jazz aerobics??
aaronmk 7
That's what he just said .
notsoluckypup 12
OP, you should've made sure that all children (and pets) were out of the room first and could not enter...
doctor_awesome 8
* to avoid being seen. not for their protection.
blumsden 0
I'd say I beat my kid, before I admitted to doing jazz aerobics...
elmski87 0
Good call.
Blazingcrono 6
You should kick them while doing your jazz aerobics to prove that it was an accident.
beckal 0
that child will be forever bullied, not because she was kicked in the head as a baby, but because her father does jazz aerobics.
audiophileMom 11
How's three years a baby??
jessesgirl14 16
My 13 year old is still my baby!! Haven't you ever heard that story?! I love you forever and like you for always as long as I'm living MY BABY YOU'LL BE!!
liquidSELECT 0
Grow up buddy
Accept 11
Accidents Happen