Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML
Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
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Top comments
interesting33 37
She stomped because someone smiled at you? But extreme isn't it? I know it's funny in the movies but in real life it's a possible red flag.
tearbear14 13
I used to do stuff like this to my SO until he pointed out how unhealthy it is and how he doesnt like it. I stopped doing it after that. maybe talk to her and tell her how you feel about it?
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Comments (17)
interesting33 37
She stomped because someone smiled at you? But extreme isn't it? I know it's funny in the movies but in real life it's a possible red flag.
tearbear14 13
I used to do stuff like this to my SO until he pointed out how unhealthy it is and how he doesnt like it. I stopped doing it after that. maybe talk to her and tell her how you feel about it?
Barbara Woodke 8
You stomped on his foot?! 😟
JoanT 11
Jealous much? Seriously calm down, your SO should NOT have to explain to you it’s unhealthy....
RichardPencil 32
Sure, the FML is pain in your foot now, but in the future, when your wife gets uppity, you can now say, “Hey, I got options.”
DanielleinDC 34
That is abusive behavior. There is no excuse for her to stomp your foot like that.
Symphoniaes 32
So if a man had stomped on a woman’s foot because another man smiled at her, and it hurt so bad to the point that she cried... it would be considered abusive behaviour. It’s not okay for her to do that just because she’s a woman, OP. :/
Ogden_Wurnstrum 7
that's the society we live in.
Rabite 28
That's not the topic. And even if, everybody here is saying that it's not okay, so what's your point?
wanted_2_want 40
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Grow a pair, you need. And don’t use the force. It can backfire.
602offroad 12
Maybe she was doing the hokey pokey and you were just collateral damage?
PenguinPal3017 19
Lawyer up, hit the gym, delete Facebook.
AdorableDoxie 12
I think your wife stomped on your foot because you were looking at the attractive woman, how else would you know that she was looking in your direction?
JoanT 11
People make eye contact all the time with strangers, it does not okay his psycho wife’s behavior
Yudith 28
Make it less obvious next time. Unless you really weren't ogling that other woman, of course.