Maybe she was helping a friend come out of the closet

That would be funny until he is getting arrested

That reminds me of a guy who said "I like my draft beers like I like my abuse, domestic."

Well, since you're already getting the blame, might as well knock the bitch out.

how about we don't take advice from ^that guy

Well, since I'm already being thumbed down, might as well say **** YOUUU ALL

Sureeeee "tripped" you say

"Damn it! Who let you out of your cage?!"

You're absolutely right. But the answer is very easy. Tell her you won't be seen in public with her again until the bruise heals. You won't be charged if she doesn't report it or press charges, but people will remember. Whether or not you hear about it, you might have a reputation as a wife beater. It might already be too late depending where you live. It can cost you a job amongst other things.

I completely agree! I hope they live in a major city where nobody really knows nobody.

Some costume make up will do the trick too. No need to punch/hurt yourself.

Male with a black eye from wife. "What did you do to piss her off?" Female with a black eye from husband. "That bastard!" Don't pretend it's not true. The hubby won't get any sympathy.

Guaranteed not even a little. People will laugh at the guy. Think the girl is "empowered" from it

Nope, not a bit.

double standards. how i hate them so.

But if the guy has more bruises and the girl has one, then you can tell people you saved her from some men. Protected her.

@ #29, I'd love to say that isn't true .. But sadly it is. People will think she was brave and empowered for sticking up for herself and hitting a guy. But he'd just be called an asshole and a poor excuse for a man if people thought he hit her. Equality my ass. No matter how many times women say that men get a better deal in life, I know for a fact it isn't true. And I'm a girl. Let's face it, a guy molests a girl, he's sick and perverted, a girl molests a guy, a he probably wanted it and should feel lucky. Girl hits a guy, she's brave. Guy hits a girl, he's a horrible person. It really isn't fair.

Yes but who thinks the guy who got molested should've enjoyed it? Men.

98, You've never seen tumblr feminists when it comes to male rape victims have you.

This has already been tested. People laughed at the man when he was getting shoved and verbal abused by his girlfriend. But everyone confronted him when he did the same thing to her. It's a shame how double standard our world is.

They might also think, "His wife must have done this in self-defense -- what did he do to her to elicit this response?"

#29 Dat "gender equality" tho

I think this is the best idea ever

Then when she says something like 'hey honey can we go there' nervously say 'y-yes honey w-what ever you say'

How about no?

29, I love that you keep it real. When Solange put the beats on Jay-Z it spawned memes and jokes galore. Can you imagine the outrage if it was the other way around?

It's a "Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" sort of thing. It's a lot more shocking and disturbing to see a man attack a woman because she's smaller and weaker than he is, and unable to defend herself. When a woman attacks a man she's challenging someone bigger and stronger than she is and who could defend himself... but what a lot of people don't consider is that when a woman attacks a man, it's usually because she knows he WON'T defend himself, so it's really no better.

It's a "Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" sort of thing. It's a lot more shocking and disturbing to see a man attack a woman because she's smaller and weaker than he is, and unable to defend herself. When a woman attacks a man she's challenging someone bigger and stronger than she is and who could defend himself... but what a lot of people don't consider is that when a woman attacks a man, it's usually because she knows he WON'T defend himself, so it's really no better.

Sorry for the double post, guys. Don't know how that happened.

That would take her actually reporting abuse to the authorities. Seems like she's making a joke (in "poor taste", as evidenced by the comments in this thread) and not seriously claiming she is abused.

I've seen people get DV charges from things like this. Police always know best so no matter what the wife says at that point they can and will get you on a charge. The worst part is if you need to carry a firearm for work you get put on unpaid suspension until it's resolved. Sometimes they just fire you outright. Cops/border patrol are like that.

Why is junkman thumbed down? He's right. Domestic violence charges are practically "guilty until proven innocent" in the accuser's (woman's) favor. If the accused has a job where he needs to be trusted (cop, security, anything involving money or a gun), he's suspended or fired on accusation alone

Also, OP could get the shit kicked out of him by some street justice dudes

my wife was in a car accident and we went to the hospital. the nurses spent more time asking my wife and i if i gave her the bruises than caring for her injuries. be careful.....

That's not true at all, 84. When my ex husband gave me a bruise and an open wound, the cops weren't even going to arrest him until my neighbor pointed out that he had a warrant for an unpaid DUI fine. And when he tried to break his next wife's arm and she defended herself, the cops wanted to arrest HER for the scratches she gave him.

my best friend and her boyfriend does the same thing, whenever she teases him in public he raises his hand with an angry face, it's all fun and games. I think it is funny and laughed when I read this FML. relax

18, I know what you mean. In a realistic context, no, it's never okay to abuse your partner. That being said, I joke with my wife about almost everything. Because it's just that, a JOKE. Everyone gets all condescending and butthurt when someone cracks an abuse joke, like it's their right to decide what is or isn't acceptable to joke about. I find this to be ridiculous and quite the waste of energy. Especially on the internet... There are no rules of fair play. Lighten up a little bit and learn to laugh at tragedy. What does it really solve to sit behind your keyboard with a smug look on your face, being appalled at random jokes from people you will never meet? Get a ******* sense of humor. You'll be much happier. End rant.

Destroying her husband's reputation on top of making a joke out of a serious problem is just a little messed up.

39. If you want to risk the consequence of a bad reputation is fine, as long as both people are ok with the joke. It's your choice. The problem is the OP is not a willing participant, and she has a real injury. Her answer to what happened is a perfect abuse answer. So NO, this is not funny, and we will not lighten up. It may surprise you to know that perfect strangers might actually care about each other. You will see a lot of that on FML, even with all the joking. My Rant over.

39 I grew up working in news and developed a very twisted sense of humor. My husband did as well. We crack jokes and laugh at things that would mortify people. But we also know there is a time and place for it and not everyone finds that humor acceptable. As stated above, joking about it is fine if both are willing participants. But she could actually get someone pissed off enough to attack her husband over this. That's not funny.

It's all fun and games until that becomes an accidental situation...take the bruise I got because my friend thought it would be funny to play slug bug without any warning....on my neck

technically the police can't do anything unless SHE presses charges. That is why domestic abuse can go on for as long as it does sometimes. peopke arent stupid, they know when it is happening. but they cant do anything about it, (except kick the guys ass) until the wife/girlfriend does

That's not true at all. The DA/prosecutor is the only person to charge a person with a crime, the victim is only a witness before the court. There is no such thing as "press charges" and the police don't need her consent.

No, the most the police can do is ask if you want to be taken to stay at another residence. Unless, the victim wants to press charges against her/his abuser. Now that I've said my point, you all should know that I watch too many TV shows and movies, and I have no idea what the hell I'm actually talking about.

But there's no case if she doesn't testify

You guys must live on fantasy island. I've seen dudes get arrested for domestic abuse/violence on nothing more than a neighbors say so even with the wife pleading with the cops not to arrest him. Meanwhile the 6'2 bodybuilder getting slapped around and punched by his wife in the mall parking lot is laughed at.

It depends on the area. Laws differ. In some places the state can press charges. Others the abused has to press them.

Most of the time, the state can press charges. But in ANY case, there has to be an actual police report filed, whether they were called by the victim, the neighbors, whomever. That is what everyone seems to he missing from this FML.

I guess each state is different. I my state the law is as I stated above. The point is, they cannot keep him or make a case against him if he hasn't done wrong. If his wife would lie to the police to get him arrested and prosecuted, it would no longer be a joke, but what is stated above is all in good fun. maybe not in good taste, but nontheless, no harm, no foul...

What kind of abuse are you talking about? Because one of them isn't funny at all.

You should be sterilized.

"Spousal abuse" meaning abuse of your spouse. And no, it's not funny at all when it actually happens. But when someone makes a joke about it, I find it quite tickling.