Today, my brother has two broken arms and needs help wiping his own ass. Bonus, he has bad diarrhoea from the food poisoning he got from the shrimp he made me hand-feed him yesterday. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML
Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML
Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML
Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML
Today, my brother, a plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML
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Top comments
skippydoda 32
There isn't anything you could give me that would make me wipe my brother's ass.
Mungolikecandy 19
Get a hose and hose him down. It will be far cleaner than wiping.
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Comments (8)
wanted_2_want 40
Not really a “bonus” since you’ll be wiping his ass more often now. And I’m sure you need to pull down/up his pants too.
Yudith 28
Just put him in a kilt. No pants to pull down, plus it's way faster for him to sit on the toilet when the urge comes.
Mungolikecandy 19
Get a hose and hose him down. It will be far cleaner than wiping.
skippydoda 32
There isn't anything you could give me that would make me wipe my brother's ass.
waffles42088 12
That’s a pretty crappy situation. But when it come to being the best sibling you are the shit.
Nhayaa 21
Could be a good timing to invest in these hightech japanese toilets with a cleaning system...
wmayrhofer 18
Hand feed you say? Maybe the bacteria came from your hands and not from the shrimp.. full circle
queenpowow 2
Get him a bidet toilet seat