Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
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Comments (323)
Ruler3000 17
Your son is stupid. Sorry OP
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Please tell me you made him sit in there. Who the **** hits women?
OffToTheGayBar 9
Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown, Dick Cheney, the IRS. The list goes on, my friend.
Bladian 5
Think you mean who hits another person. Women don't get special treatment. It's wrong to hit anyone, period.
lolfood 24
Really, Jersey Shore? Your son must now be exterminated.
tennisrapper1 14
Well, considering the Jersey Shore isn't dead by now, I think the son will live in infamy for a while...
doglover569 0
OP calling Jersey Shore sub-human Scum: made my day
butterybiscuit 6
Your bf/brother/friend (whatever relation) is really tall!
doglover569 0
My bf is not that tall, I'm just short hehe!!
TheFamilyElf 17
That's what's great about this website! It has it all. (infomercial voice) Hatred of the duck face, a realistic view of Jersey Shore, debates are (usually) intelligent, and much, much more!
the_anti_hipster 7
He's a class act, that's for sure. If he thinks he's such a badass, let him stay where the real badasses are. Just tell him to hang on tight to the soap.
PoshLife_Cross 5
Wait, who was he emulating? Chris Brown isn't on Jersey Shore.
donkey79 0
Ha! Nice.
crazyrunnergirl 7
He deserves to be in jail right now.. I hope you don't bail him out
Dracoboxer357 36
I'm all for equal rights/treatment of women and such, but I think anyone who hits women, especially someone they are intimate with, are trash. I'm sorry your son is this level of low, Op.
AussieChild 22
I definitely agree!
JFox 8
Simple solution: Anyone who hits their partner is trash. Mhm :3
nowayisthisreal 4
Sounds to me as if his girlfriend is the one who paid the price. However, I applaud you for letting him rot in jail.
hillbillyted 4
You must be so proud....