Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Leave him there. Punk bitches hit women...
calaholic35 0
Goddamn asshole..
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Comments (323)
ImaginaryFoe 1
Sometimes the apple falls far from the tree. OP, I assume you've tried to be a good role model and teach him well. Maybe he'll come to his senses when he finally figures out the cameras aren't rolling and no one's going to applaud or pay him for being a douche. 'Til then, FYL.
facilitator 0
No, the apple never falls far from the tree. However, this one was hit by the lawnmower we call MTV.
chabooty27 7
What a dumbass you better teach him to show respect not hitting a girl is one of the first things you learn.
perdix 31
Sounds like a shitty *lowers sunglasses* Situation.
CaramelMacchiato 13
I just got a mental image of The Situation sitting on a chair in the corner of a nightclub and lowering his sunglasses eerily (like he does on the Jersey Shore). Ew.
KingCeltic77 18
Yeah!!!
ManInTheMachine 20
Jersey Shore, Toddlers and Tiaras, Rebecca Black's music, and YOLO should all burn in the lowest pit of hell. ...and cue the 'YDI for being a bad parent' comments in 3...2...
lolfood 24
YDI for being a bad parent
Trisha_aus 15
I've never seen jersey shore but I've heard of it..seems like a waste of time, like those others you mentioned..but why is it so popular?
facilitator 0
Jersey shore is popular for the same reason Anonymous has become popular. People have to bite their tounges to keep within the social norm. So they see anyone who does not conform as a revolutionary. They themselves want to be apart of the revolution, so they drink, smoke pot, and beat their girlfriends at the liquior store. Eventually the only people not doing this are the doctors and lawyers so they becpme revolutionaries and the cycle starts all over again.
xNephilim 19
Shit, I just think it's entertaining. I can't stand most of the people on there but one of the chicks is alright and Ronnie or whatever isn't all THAT bad either. I'd stab myself in the eye before I took any of them as a role model though.
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
90- While I do agree with some of what you, the drinkin and smoking pot is a little unorthodox. Drinking and Smoking has been around since the Revolutionary times. The real Revilutionaries; George Washinton, John Hancock, Samuel and John Adams. The list goes on. I'm not quite sure how many people think they are revolutionary for drinking and smoking, but some of the latest fashion trends I can see your point.
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
Some of what you said* Sorry it's early x_x
missamazinggg 12
I just wanna clarify that Jersey Shore is scripted. Snooki for instances is actually a little pistol in the entrepreneur area. She's creating her own clothing line while writing a book, she's doing it all herself. I don't like the way Jersey Shore is presented but that's how they make all that money.
TheDrudgeChild 4
90 - the difference is that Anonymous is actually good for society
aljen90 2
males who hit women are boys who shouldn't be respected, boys who emulate assholes are the biggest idiots on this planet.
KingCeltic77 18
Men who hit woman aren't men.
darthzerg 7
Leave his dumb ass in jail
jaredofmo 22
I find your stance on the issue commendable.
ManBroSkiGirl 10
Well then.
KingCeltic77 18
I think the punishment should fit the crime. He hit a girl; beat his ass. It's not child abuse in this case; it's discipline.
Sydney92 3
nope I agree. I thin that would be a good punishment.