Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML
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Top comments
HerpYourDerp 7
What do you mean, "again"? How many times has that snake been missing in your apartment?
Buttsexpirate 9
While in the bathroom you're gonna hear "Feed me ssssseymour!"
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Comments (131)
bubo_fml 11
Not to worry...My pants python is attracted to the same thing...
garfield224 0
Without even looking I can see the inappropriate comments
Okayitwasme 0
It's moving time.
baconstrips 12
Dude, blue waffle is nasty
shenry113322 7
The basilisk wants to enter the chamber of secrets
Cheyenne_Is_Me 4
Oh god, that had me laughing so hard, I started crying! x'D
Toxic_Ninja 2
Use your tampons to lure the snake out!
jake1632 9
or maybe ops roomate is a secret male pervert that likes to have pretend play with his snake and is attracted to bloody vaginas... either way FYL.
darkblitz_fml 0
I've seen enough hentai to see where this is going.
RubySlippers84 11
i don't think she meant that, unless you walk around with no pants
bannedforlife 0
Your roommate needs an ass whoopin'.