Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML
Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML
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Top comments
saifnaqvi11 21
For ***** snake Mom
devildog562 33
Sneaky snake . Shame though , nothing deserves to die like that .
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Comments (129)
JMichael 26
I wanna know if it lived?
ohjoy15 33
Nothing short of a miracle if it survived the dryer. Poor snake. :(
bahamit 18
Given that a residential dryer gets to around 120f and most snakes bodily functions start failing above an optimal roughly 96f (generalized number) I would assume that a dryer cycle would be fatal... That and considering it's posted in fml I'd assume no it didn't... RIP our slithery friend...
bahamit 18
Given that a residential dryer gets to around 120f and most snakes bodily functions start failing above an optimal roughly 96f (generalized number) I would assume that a dryer cycle would be fatal... That and considering it's posted in fml I'd assume no it didn't... RIP our slithery friend...
Brandi_Faith 34
Not to mention it was getting tumbled around in there too. And if it's not a water snake it may not have survived the washing machine. Poor snake and poor mom for finding it.
MzZombicidal 36
Unfortunately, I highly doubt the poor critter made it :( This FML made me feel bad for all of the parties involved. I'm very sorry for your loss, OP :(
mistertbawk420 10
snakes are cool
ham_spam 17
I think the soap would taste so bad it might die
1947Chevy 17
Odds are it drowned before it even reached the dryer. Even a water snake would have a tough time and especially with the soap.
wchil 14
@81 have you tasted the soap to know what it tastes like
Puppys_Doll 28
@106 some parents use soap as punishment if kids curse or say something they aren't supposed to. so it's quite possible that 81 did
saifnaqvi11 21
For ***** snake Mom
saifnaqvi11 21
I'll show mysssssself out
saifnaqvi11 21
I'm Ana-Gone-da now
saifnaqvi11 21
My comment is ancient Hisssssstory.
saifnaqvi11 21
Are my puns giving you a headache. Have an Asp-erin
myeverydaymylife 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
For ***** sake dude, stop trying so hard.
saifnaqvi11 21
Okay okay I'm done, I'll Go-a constrictor.
Mightyrif 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm with #24, stop replying to your own comment. It's odd and infuriating.
DFMLharsh 20
Forget odd, that's how you slaughter a good pun by enforcing other puns on it.
MzZombicidal 36
Idk what's wrong with y'all, I enjoyed it! lol. But then again, I don't come to FML with a grumpy attitude towards goofy jokes.
saifnaqvi11 21
Lol why everyone gotta be so salty. If you don't like my puns that's fine but it's not really something to get mad about.
peacheso 31
Your puns made my day!!! Hahaha!
Garagedwella 26
Alright dude you hands down wins the best comment(s) of the day award lol
Wizardo 34
I have no idea why my dude is getting so much hate, when for the first time in AGES someone posts an awesome comment and the thread is beast too. People need to up their game and quit the bitching cos frankly, the comments sections are sucking hard without pioneers like my friend right here.
annarcheer 19
If you don't like the puns then why read them? My gosh
CosmicElk 26
snake puns incoming
1dvos_grl3 21
I think #2 took care of it..
DFMLharsh 20
So did #20, #21, #22, #23 and #25
Stephencharis 14
pet snake?....ewww
ChristianH39 30
pet cat?....ewww See, I can make stupid comments too!
mukduk 21
Maybe she thought it was a belt. Or maybe she was trying to make a belt. All joking aside, I'm sorry you lost your pet, OP.
dudeofawe 15
Uncharacteristically compassionate of you, Dwight. Very good.
angelitared 27
Maybe you'll learn to have a better environment for your snake.. Ydi!
1dvos_grl3 21
You know how often and how easily snakes can escape from their tanks? Maybe you're the dumb idiot for not being educated.
Zebediabolical 45
I'm with #5. If your snake can escape often and easily then you clearly need a better tank.
angelitared 27
Maybe your mom is dumb and uneducated for having you?
peacheso 31
Real mature #54.
liquifiednate 21
It doesn't matter on how good the environment is. Some snakes are just good escape artists. For example corn snakes are really common for getting out of their cages by opening it themselves.
Zebediabolical 45
If your snake can open the cage you clearly need a bigger and better cage.
vampire623 6
maby we should put you in the washer because you escaped from the bitch convention
devildog562 33
Sneaky snake . Shame though , nothing deserves to die like that .
Ali_Br_fml 33
I kinda hope it was dead before it hit the washing machine. What a terrible way to die if it went through the washing and drying machines alive.
Zebediabolical 45
I'm picturing it surviving both wash and dry cycles then being stomped to death by OP's mom when she finds it in her delicates.
Conner Dalbeck 15
who says its dead *bum bum buummm*
invadermaythe1st 35
sssssso sssssorry that happened op!
mukduk 21
That was kind of sssssstupid.
carebear1228 20
Nagini has met his fate at the bottom of your drier
Saraj07 18
As much as I don't like snakes I know losing a pet sucks. My condolences OP.
pjsr 33
It looks like she would have noticed when she clothespinned it to the line