Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
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Top comments
BigBoyBounce 5
The only thing i could thonk of when i read this was Patrick Star.
saintsrocksocks 10
Lol AHHHH BUT CRAMP. -Patrick Star
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Comments (171)
tmaq973 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why are you trying to cramp his style? Okay, that was terrible.. Sorry for making you guys read that
DarkSeekerX94446 14
I enjoyed it. :D
mylifesucks_fml 1
it's sad that you were calm enough to struggle for 5 minutes and notice the life guard... usually people just splash like hell until they feel something!
DontModMeDammit 10
When I use to be a lifeguard I knew plenty of people that would fall asleep on stand, kinda sad how little people care.
Screwie 25
Next time, and only if you're close enough to be heard by someone else, try calling them for help... But do not try so hard that you sink over it, either. Maybe other people are willing to help without getting paid for it.
bfsd42 20
Threadjackers. Come on now people. Not a single reply is even slightly related to 1's comment.
westcoastkp 13
a cramp shouldn't make you need the lifeguard.... at least you weren't drowning!
DontModMeDammit 10
65, technically they are all about the same FML, so in some way they are related.
Humpyourleg 0
How do you even get a cramp? Swimming is so easy
DontModMeDammit 10
110, I get foot cramps sleeping, last time I checked sleeping is easier then swimming.
tromo47 13
I hate those. You wake up and don't feel a thing. Then the cramp hits and youre biting your pillow so you don't scream.
DontModMeDammit 10
121, some advice, straighten out your leg, then get up and walk to your door then it should be gone.
Oreohugzpenny 4
That life guard better be a catch!!!!
boschwachter 7
66, you've clearly never gotten an excruciatingly painful cramp while swimming. It's not so easy to swim when your leg/foot/arm/whatever is not usable because of a cramp
geko911 22
The first thing I thought of when reading that fml is that being able to swim for 5 minutes with a real cramp ( not just a little tingling but excruciating pain) is actually very unlikely. Fyl for having shitty lifeguards there and ydi for either exaggerating alot or if you really stayed afloat for 5 minutes, ydi for not simply "floating" to the side of the pool.
efemel94 7
When I get cramp in my foot when swimming, it feels like my toes are crossing over one another. Does anyone else get this feeling (just interested)?
rin142 12
Potassium should help keep away cramps. Eat all the bananas!
saintsrocksocks 10
Duh fuq? Did he say swimming is easy?
swankmrpancake 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's just trying to do his job. It's not like they are actually there to save anyone anyways.
swankmrpancake 8
Sarcasm FTW!!!!
Forlorn420 9
Looks like OP should waited 30 min to go swimming
BigBoyBounce 5
The only thing i could thonk of when i read this was Patrick Star.
boofgall 16
Made you thonk of him eh? Sometimes auto correct can be your friend!
BigBoyBounce 5
Woops. I need to turn auto correct back on, on my ipod. I wouldn't even have realized i made that mistake.
cutemonsterx3 6
Why is it such a big deal if someone misspelled a word?? You still understood him anyways!
Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7
Boofgall- umad bro??
thatKidzmOm 10
The word thonk made me giggle. Thank you for brightening my lunch hour!
SouthernPride95 19
Buttcramp!!!
FMMFL1992 3
I guess Alan got to 36's comment.
rhaemese 9
I agree with 122
Dadothy 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like he was doing a crampy job
AwkwardPartyBear 24
No
Zomg_Okay 27
You're trying too hard, 5.
Dadothy 8
I'm sorry you didn't find my joke very punny
alshygirl 14
I laughed lol
doglover569 0
18- Who cares if it sounds like someone was trying too hard? Does it really matter?? It's just a comment... Smh
Zomg_Okay 27
If I want to attach unnecessary amounts of meaning to inconsequential stuff, I will!
simonsaysYDI 8
5 - You can only use puns if you apologize right away =P That seems to be how it works anyway.
saintsrocksocks 10
Lol AHHHH BUT CRAMP. -Patrick Star
MissMae93 23
I believe you mean "butt", as in the body part ;)
MindFreakazoid 10
"I still didn't get my ice cream..." XD gotta love Patrick. Hey maybe OP didn't get his/her ice cream either!
saintsrocksocks 10
This I patrick star we are talking about. It's but.
uJelly24 1
Is this the krusty Krab?NO THIS IS PATRICK!
Pandacupcakelove 26
What!? I hope he's fired... That's just crazy!
hemz_fml 13
OP you **** blocker
potterag 0
A mans gotta mack, I guess..fyl
sarahogden25 2
I totally read this wrong. I thought 'cramp' was 'crap' ... awk...
bmkc4 1
Hopefully the girl thought the lifeguard wasn't worth it in the end if he can't even do his job. Maybe it will teach him a lesson.
Briiyahh 7
He should be fired!! Glad your okay now :)