Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
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Top comments
Ghost_Kaulitz 16
Your roommate is my spirit animal.
tzemmy 25
what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?
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Comments (83)
Ghost_Kaulitz 16
Your roommate is my spirit animal.
Gravenmuir 18
Next time put chocolate sauce on his French fries before he gets them. Payback...
ComoEsJuan 24
That sounds like a gift, not a prank. Have you ever eaten fries with ice cream? Amazing.
vikky538 29
or fries with peanut butter...
joyboy390 12
Thats not payback thats helping them out that is a great combo.
foxwasalamb 24
thank you juan. everyone thinks im weird
wyverntail 15
Perhaps maybe you meant hot sauce?
cp399 14
I need to try this sometime
ckibb97 22
That is genius
thes7274473 19
Not original, though. Didn't you read Captain Underpants as a kid? That was one of their favorite pranks.
heathertail 14
It is, but I think he should get his roommate back for that.
tzemmy 25
what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?
Nexpecto 28
I want to know, since when do little girls freak out about bleeding assholes?
thatguynamedsky 32
um I don't think they're supposed to bleed there
Mf2307 15
it would be time to go to the hospital or doctor if u were
incoherentrmblr 22
Could just be really bad constipation or internal hemroids. Happens to me every now and then...
Nexpecto 28
Idiot down voters can suck my left one. OP wrote "like a little girl" about her "bleeding" ass.
brookenicolee29 27
I think it's time to start planning revenge.
LittleBastard 20
I think plotting would work better here, sounds more sinister. Planning sounds like hes going to take his roomate out for an expensive dinner then make the roomate pay for everything. But hey, revenge is revenge.
Nexpecto 28
#59 Get out.
LittleBastard 20
#75 :(
tzemmy 25
edit: I didn't mean to comment again.
ifoundwaldo123 12
Hahaha that's actually pretty funny OP.
BadApple88 29
Oh bloody hell
pooldude 24
i dun kno why but i read this in a british accent.
teentee401 37
Cause it's a British expression
AL3XFML 7
"When I stood up to examine my handiwork" lmao this was so well written