Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Now watching
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Thanks dad
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
MILF
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML
Awkward
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML
Caught
Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML
Top comments
NGM_47 0
BLACKMAIL your dad into buying you whatever you want :D
Orchid_fml 2
hahah , that was a lose situation no matter what . =/
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Comments (267)
plexico 4
Fiesty pixie, once I get the thumbs-up from you, all the criticism seems to disappear! ;)
jmeg_fml 0
homophobia is a misleading word. but then, all "****" means is "same," so the word wouldn't even make sense if it -were- used to describe a type of phobia/fear. anyway, that sucks, op. pretty noble of you to cover for him... you might want to teach him how to clear that cache, too. but really guys, if the dad and mom have a good relationship, who cares if he reads gay ****? he could just be bi and want a change every once in a while. it doesn't mean the relationship is unhealthy or that he doesn't still love or feel attracted to her.
17xVampx17 0
Don't care exactly what the online dictionary said, I'm taking apart the word and seeing phobia as extreme/exaggerated fear which is the way it's most often used.
xxorganizedmess 0
I'm not saying you're entirely wrong, I'm saying calling you a homophobe is entirely justified.
blah_37 0
oh my god i would be sooo mad! lol, time to have a sit down with dad....you are way too nice. i wouldnt have taken the blame. sucks for you.
acd23 0
I think a LOT of the comments on this page have been taken off, I can't follow ANY of the things mike1921 says because I can't see what post he's replying to. It almost looks like he's arguing with himself, lol. But I can guess that the argument is something very stupid, so it's probably just as well that the rest of us have no clue what it's about.
17xVampx17 0
Ok I'll accept that you consider it justified, but that doesn't make my statement idiotic, I was pointing out the inconsistancies in that ingrate's comment in which he tried to got me neatly into one of his little pre-defined categories. Really lulz to the Twilight remark, I personally hate Twilight. To anyone else looking to define me; I'm a misanthrope.
SaintJimmy 0
"The world will look up and shout 'save us', and I'll whisper 'no'." -Walter Kovacs aka Rorschach. That's my favourite quote that conveys misanthropy. I don't know if I'm more a misanthrope or a cynic, but I like to think I'm a little bit of both. And as for Twilight, it's a book that dresses up psychologically abusive relationships as perfection while simultaneously ruining the concept of literature for girls that are currently between the ages of 12 and 16 (there are exceptions in both directions). I will give the author this though: If it weren't for her, probably 40% of the girls who read it would never have picked up a book if it weren't for Twilight.
Princesschronic 0
I totally agree 179! Same thing with harry potter. J.k rolling got all kinds of kids to read. I personally think it's unapealing. But she did alot for lil kids.
SaintJimmy 0
Well the main difference between Harry Potter and Twilight is Harry Potter is quality literature. The characters have depth, the plot is strong, and the motives are clear for characters that are good and bad alike. Twilight has none of those qualities. The characters are all two dimensional, the plot is badly developed at best, and half the time you have no idea as to why a character did something. It's kind of like a Michael Bay movie. In Michael Bay movies there just has to be explosions, mindless violence, and hot girls. Similarly, in books like Twilight, all that is needed to sell it to 11 and 12 year old girls are idealised versions of men and "love", which in the case of Twilight, "love" means stalking someone.
Princesschronic 0
Oh! I've never seen twilight so I wouldn't know, I haven't read the book either
Princesschronic 0
This is for mike. Ur a real moron u know that. Who cares who we Americans say or do shit... We are different. We are the bully contery and there are alot of slang in r countery but why do u care. U waist to much time..... Look at a these comments u post ur like real cool man. Maybe u should read a book sometime insted of reading all the fml comments while u jerk ur 2 incher.....all I gotta say
mike1921 0
Wow, you can't even insult me without insulting the size of my dick. Dude, spell out your ******* words -_- . People like you are the reason grammar nazis exist. I am an american! I wasn't insulting the way we so mom , I was defending the way britain says mum when some troll insulted the way Britain says it. Dude, shut the **** up about how I waste too much time here, you have no clue how much time a day I spend here. And , don't assume you know my motives for posting, I'm not doing it to look cool . Anyone who does anything on the internet to look cool is truly pathetic. I'm here because I enjoy arguing with people who piss me off. FML is ripe with them.
yaktazuki 0
America suck you should be embarassed to be american because they are all fat lards who have no lives. Thats why im glad im full italian and live in a skinny part of the us
SaintJimmy 0
What you just said is an oxymoron. "they are all fat lards". Okay, so assuming you are correct, all Americans are fat. "I live in the skinny part of the US". But wait! There's a skinny part of the US? Are they still considered Americans because they're not fat? I wonder...
17xVampx17 0
You're just making yourself look bad, saying you like to argue with people who PISS YOU OFF, is pretty much saying you like to be pissed off, which a pretty self-destructive hobby. It'll probly start off with high blood pressure (especially with the earlier comments specifying that you're overweight, definitely not a good mix) and then you'll just continue to get worse from there. Quite honestly I don't care I just like to point out the idiocy in your statements. Not to mention the fact that you ARE short for your age, 5'5 is not big for any 14 year old, i'm 15 and i'm 5'9, and no, I didn't grow 4 inches in a year. I'm not exceptionally tall either, i'm average height if not a bit short compared to the people around here.
StealthStorm67 0
WTF? Way to belittle your own country, asshole. I'm 50% Italian, 50% Italian, and i agree, that much of America (usually the wealthy or the people who don't care about personal health), are overweight. I'm from the Urban part of the 7th worst city in the country, (Cleveland, Ohio), so I don't eat as much as I'd like to, and I'm average weight for my age. Just because some stereotypical people who reside in America weigh more than the national average, doesn't mean ALL Americans are fat. Also, you say you hate people who support the army? Why? Because they're doing what they must to protect their country? It's one thing to hate the war, its COMPLETELY another to say you hate the people fighting for us..
SmileandWave 0
Erm.. ok first things first. I have several American friends, none of whom are fat. Second. Compared to America, Britain is actually one of the fattest nations in the world because the country is so much smaller, in fact I do believe that because of the size difference it makes Britain a fatter country overall. I'm sure the same could be said for many other countries, because they are so much smaller their obesity level percentage is actually much much worse. Third. Yes you can get skinny Americans idiots you can get skinny people from any country, there are proportionally less overweight and obese people in America than Britain anyway, meaning that technically you should be saying it's impossible to find a skinny British person. Fourth, StealthStorm when was the army ever mentioned? But still, hate the war not the people who die trying to defend your country. And finally just to stop any of you going off on one about how I'm now picking on the English, I am British and.. not fat either just to clear things up a bit ;) The End. *round of applause*
SmileandWave 0
Princess chronic for future reference I think he would prefer it to be called his "one inch wonder" :P
mike1921 0
Vamp I don't like to get pissed off if I can't do anything about it. Which is why I go to youtube comments sections and FML comments sections where I could atleast yell at the chatspeak using idiots. If I was masochistic about it I'd just watch fox news say anything about a videogame, or anything for that matter. Also, I have cancer, nothing better to do. Can't really start getting physical when the chemo causes me to have little platelets (stuff in your blood, makes it so you bleed less, making it so if god forbid something happens that makes me bleed I'll probably lose a lot)
Princesschronic 0
Oh I foggot thank u smile!! Haha one inch wonder!! Hehe mike. What u just said is pathetic. You go on YouTube comment board and insult them because, in real life you can't stick up for ur self. a pathitic. Atleast I can stick up for my self in real life, I can dish and take it. Unlike u mike, who can only **** with people on the Internet.
mike1921 0
There is no where with as much idiots effectively pissing me off in so many ways in real life who I could yell at myself. I'm not gonna start to conversations with people just in the hopes they say something that pisses me off so I could yell at them. Sure, if someone pisses me off in real life I can and will stick up for myself. BUt, since school's out...and I can't go anywhere anyway because I have cancer and thus no immune system and bleed easily (from the chemo) I don't have a chance to.
SmileandWave 0
Platelets make your blood clot it doesn't make you bleed less. And I thought you just had to stay inside to keep away from anything outside that could cause you an infection because your immune system was down, at least that's why my dad had to stay inside, or does the blood thing happen as well?
mike1921 0
They both happen. Maybe your dad just had different chemo drugs? Also, according to wikipedia I'm right about the bleeding, low platelets causes bleeding.
SmileandWave 0
Oh.. maybe then. But you can't always trust wiki. Platelets make your blood clot. A lack of them would make you bleed for longer but they wouldn't necessarily cause the bleeding.
StealthStorm67 0
Shut the **** up about your cancer already, you're gonna sit here and purposely start arguements with people, and as soon as they retort, you say: "Whoa whoa, I have cancer...so...I can say whatever I want..PITY ME, PITY ME!" No self-respecting cancerous person brags about having it as much as you do. In fact, you probably don't even have cancer..
mike1921 0
Umm, no I'm not doing that. I actually enjoy having cancer, I don't want sympathy. But it is relevant to the way I've been living my life and the way I will for the next few months. I'm not bragging. My cancer was relavent to princess chronic's post. Unless you're going to say being unable to leave your house often enough to have any sort of social life is irrelevant to "Unlike u mike, who can only **** with people on the Internet" . I'm not saying it to justify everything I say and stop all retorts.
littleliz 0
Welp, I don't know whether to applaud you for potentially saving your parents relationship or hatin' on it for lying to your mother. We'll go with the former. That's a ******' toughie.
Princesschronic 0
How old are you mike.... Haha I dono how to spell and I'm a pothead 18 year old girl!!! I don't care really I got spell check nukka!!!! Mike I think u need to lose ur v card! Maybe u would feel better and not be a shitty donkey dick fuckass! Haha jk I wanted to make a retarded statement •B•y•e•
Princesschronic 0
Just like an asshole always making people feel like shit. I'm bi I guess I'm "selfish"! Haha who new, I didn't know now I do thank u!! Haha ass