Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML
Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML
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Top comments
NGM_47 0
BLACKMAIL your dad into buying you whatever you want :D
Orchid_fml 2
hahah , that was a lose situation no matter what . =/
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Comments (267)
Njtorres 0
I wouldn't kiss him goodnight anymore if I were you....
shootingstar8D 0
You better tell your mom. He can possibly be gay. LOL @ mike, no life
rcjamie 0
whats wrong about that, maybe he is gay, but doesnt want to be discriminated against, so he is hiding behind a cover marriage so as not to get ridiculed in an intolerant society
mike1921 0
You have no idea whether I have a life or not. So please, be quiet.
caancoha 0
Saint Jimmy, while your home situation makes me very upset, I applaud your reply to 17xannoyingtwilighthomophobe17x. You are very reasonable, level-headed, and charismatic. You will go far in the world. And, honestly, I look up to you simply from those three paragraphs. Now, I'm going to hit the sack. G'night!
SaintJimmy 0
There's no need to be upset by my home situation. I have some good friends and in a couple years I'll never be obliged to see my family again. I plan on continuing a family tradition (which both my parents skipped) of military service in the United States. I'm going to go to college on the GI Bill afterwards and then I'm hoping to join the PSNI. You don't need to be upset for someone you met over the internet, but thanks for the great reply to my comment, I'm always happy to hear someone respects my views. :) And as for Vamp, I'm just glad that you didn't respond to me with "yeah, well, YOU'RE GAY", so even though we have very different views I'm happy to know there are still an okay amount of reasonable people in the world.
rcjamie 0
if you just learned to delete your search history there would be no problem, so Y kind of DI
xxorganizedmess 0
Why would she delete the search history? She didn't actually do anything; her dad did. And she apparently didn't know her dad looked up gay **** until her mom confronted her. So she didn't have a reason to delete her history, so why the hell would she deserve it?
Princesschronic 0
I'm sorry that sound burtle. And for everyone saying his moms a bitch, u dnt even know if she was mad she probly doesn't want a gay son. And as for ur dad. People expeament. But to be that you knowing ur dad watches that stuff..... Is wierd. Like when I walked in on my dad jerking it in the mirror after a shower.... Just makes u wanna hurle, nevr looked at him the same.
judgeymcjudge 0
Dude, FYL!
Pandasaur 0
#155, since OP is a woman, her mother probably isn't worried about a gay son. I'm not sure if you can see that it says "woman" on the FML... just sayin'.
17xVampx17 0
LOL calling me an emo twilight homophobe is completely illogical, if I were emo I surely wouldn't hate gay people, all of the emos I've seen seem to like the homosexual crowd. Second LOL I'm guessing you get Twilight from the Vamp part of my name, but nah, that's just a part of my email address I made a few years back. I'm not homophobic, that would be a FEAR of homosexuals, I just hate them, which I'm entitled to do. The person who wrote the three paragraphs back as a response has a valid argument and I respect their response but I'm not going to change my mind or my reasons. I'd love to debate people like that more often, usually I'm just flames by idiots who don't know how to accurately portray their beliefs in print without making a derogatory remark.
xxorganizedmess 0
Oh wow. So other than the "emos like homosexual people" or whatever it was you said, I have one issue with your idiotic statement: The term "homophobia" is defined in the dictionary(well, online dictionary) as "prejudice against (fear or dislike of) homosexual people and homosexuality." Notice how it says "or dislike of." In the context, one would probably interpret it to include hate. Or else you can be an extreme homophobe therefore having an "extreme dislike of," which is close enough to hate. Have a nice day.
SaintJimmy 0
I don't know about your experience, but the goths and emos at my High School are some of the most accepting and nice people there. Albeit they can sometimes be a bit cynical towards the world, their whole social circle isn't built on "I hate life" and "Nobody understands me", contrary to what the popular media has stated. I'm of course talking about the REAL goths and emos, not all those Twilight-reading Jonas-loving weirdos who say that nobody understands them when really if they just looked around they'd notice that 50% of the girls around them would gladly carry out a conversation. And the ones who fake self harming and depression just make me so livid that I want to scream at them "IT'S NOT COOL TO DO THAT SHIT!", but then they'd get all defensive on me and say "People hate me. It's not my fault it's just so hard."
SmileandWave 0
166 I second your feelings haha people like that get on my nerves. Then wonder why I have no sympathy for them. They've stopped coming to me for sympathy now ;)
cucumberfabulous 7
Hahahaha I know! I'm lost
GriefBacon 0
I don't get why you would cover for your dad like that. It's his deal, not yours, so let them work it out between themselves instead of covering for him.
Nightmare1 0
thats funny. just tell em it was your dad. but before you do that search some **** that you like and if your mom says anything just be like "well YOU said gay **** was bad". hhahhahahahahahhahahahhhahahahaah I'd so do that!!
shootingstar8D 0
I never said I had a problem with gay people, I support them.But I'm straight all the way. Anyways I'm just saying t won't be cool if he got married and had kids with a lady and didn't feel the same way about her.