Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML
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Top comments
phobiaoffears 0
He laughs now, but later on in life he'll definitely regret doing that.
insensitivity_ki 0
He is so going to smoke crack...
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Comments (167)
kukus92 0
look at the bright side, now you can get that sex talk out of the way early.
Sesh54 7
unless he already knows about sex from his friends.......
IDoNotHaveAIDS 0
"I put on my robe and wizard hat." Did anybody else think of this while reading? Also, it's 5AM. Do you know where your kids are?
redbluegreen 41
YES! But honestly, that's always on my mind.
iKaite 0
I actually thought she did say 'I put on my wizard hat.' That would have been awesome...so awesome....
redbluegreen 41
Well, maybe she likes to play dress up. (;
LoveItOrLeaveIt 0
Yea no jokes! you heard giggling when this person whent to get up did you even think that chicking if your son was still in his room? clearly NO
AshleyRose784 0
new rule, always check under the bed
slutmuffin 0
LOL at # 10, and Ohhh myyyy.
CruelSirDrum 0
thats not so bad. he will begin to be a fast learner in life.
blobxmaster13 0
fhl
Iwannabetreo 11
One sexual dysfunction coming up.
TheAmazing_fml 0
Oo my. ur poor son. scarred for life. ur supposed to look under the bed for kids b4 u **** dumbass. jk. :D
augustdanielle 0
Hahah. Oh wow. That's terrible.
crvenazvezda 0
Oh. My. GOD!