Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML
Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
The fart probably was a made of 2 week old food stuck in her fat encrusted gut, obese people need to sort it out with their bumper car looking arses.
TheForgetfulOne 12
Do people not know how to say 'Excuse me" anymore ?
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Comments (116)
kenoswild 14
Invest in a gas mask. This dire situation is bound to happen more often as obesity is on the rise in America.
allipurrr 10
Obesity has nothing to do with Farting. Everybody farts!
AngelSpit 18
no, but your diet does contribute to the "rank factor" of your ass
darkmis1 18
Really? Because I haven't eaten meat since I was 16 and during the rare times I do, nobody can even smell them. I'm also polite enough to go somewhere private if I'm in public, unlike this lady.
AngelSpit 18
actually eating meat is what causes the quiet smelly flatus things like broccoli will produce a large amount of gas but little to no smell (sources: biology class, mythbusters and I dated a vegetarian for two years)
mkimbee 9
"Look I'm a vegetarian and my shit *literally* doesn't stink!"
ninjalovin 8
"They've been calling those Boomers. For obvious reasons."
tehdarkness 21
Murcia!
DKjazz 20
Murcia?
RedPillSucks 33
It's really bad when you can't spell "Murica" Can't anyone speak the Queens English any more (and I don't mean Elizabeth)
RivetingTaleChap 6
It's actually a new government-conspiracy. Similar to chem-trails, they plant drugs in the buttcracks of seemingly innocent bystanders, ready for deployment. Be weary of any symptoms, you could be Big Brother's new test subject.
Virtual_BS 13
Really? guys? I know that joke was a bit inappropriate, but was it really worth burying? I didn't think it was that bad.
RedPillSucks 33
I thought it was pretty funny
Ins0mau 20
No! It was lame and convoluted, ya silly peeps! That's why it was buried!
bingbongbingbong 11
Fat people are disgusting
MzZombicidal 36
Yeah? Well so is your attitude!
blankjack 6
I think his attitude is fine :) it's because of attitude like yours that obese people feel perfectly fine with themselves :)
MzZombicidal 36
Admittedly, that was a lame joke on my part. As for obese people, I don't have a problem with them. They don't bother me unless they're farting in my face or taking up all of the mobile scooters because their poor ankles can't support their cellulite.
AestheticGuy 21
@19 Totally true. Might be 'politically incorrect' to some people, but who cares, its the truth. Its the same if someone farts, or a really loud sound buzzes, seeing is just another one of the 6th sense, why should I have to put up with seeing that hideousness whenever I walk somewhere in public.
lrak 6
Smoke Flavored anyone?
jessBeAqueen 13
did it reek of annies cheese cup?
Louiev82 8
Could have been worse. She could have sharted
imtooshy 18
Did you just sit there silent? I woulda told her off and recommended she have her stomach stapled and her head checked. It doesn't matter how much anyone weighs.....she's an adult and should have manners and class. So damn gross.
rockfivo 7
"Tag, your it"!!!!
Mossears133 15
How does one tag an it?