Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML
Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
The fart probably was a made of 2 week old food stuck in her fat encrusted gut, obese people need to sort it out with their bumper car looking arses.
TheForgetfulOne 12
Do people not know how to say 'Excuse me" anymore ?
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Comments (116)
Omniprism 15
What a bitch. I would have said very loudly "excuse you!" In a super bitchy tone. I can't handle rudeness.
MilkyFilmz 26
Might want to get a new nose.
Likian5 26
That's the kind of thing you call them out on and give them a funny look. Maybe even a "what the hell" in there somewhere.
snyder94 5
I think that was her way of saying hello.
buckdharma 38
Lucky you. You usually have to pay big money for this type of ambiance at a restaurant.
Aregonde 15
And it would totally be okay if a thin person squeezed past you and let one rip, right? If not, why even bring up the woman's size? It's about as relevant as her race.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
THANK YOU! That's exactly what I was thinking! Why does it matter how big the woman was? It was rude no matter how you look at it, and disgusting, especially when you're trying to eat. I hope you said something to her, OP.
LilFlutter 10
It is relevant because a skinny person would not have walked sideways past the OP's table, therefore a skinny person would not have farted right in the OP's face. Due to this woman's largesse, she had to squeeze sideways by the table and chose to do so with her rear end right in the OP's face, which unfortunately happened right when she farted.
SlackerEmeritus 13
Weight is irrelevant to the rudeness of the act. And if the food court in OP's tale is anything like the food court in my nearby mall, you'd have to be Kate Moss to avoid shimmying sideways between tables.
AestheticGuy 21
Bullshit. Fat, or especially obese people are obviously more disgusting compared to normal people. Fat people look visually repulsive, thats the truth, get over it.
katt_is_here 24
If someone is a fat ass, why are they trying to squeeze through that small of a space near other people's faces while pressing their ass against them? It's not like they don't know that they are big. GO AROUND, LARD BUTT. Because a ******* fattie thought that she could squeeze between the desks instead of going the long way around, I had a jar of paint fall onto my lap and ruin my favorite jeans. Be fat and happy all you want, just don't be a burden to those around you. /endrant
somedaystar 8
I'm sorry OP, but when I read this, I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks!
graceinsheepwear 34
No one has commented about the father reference. He sounds like a real charmer too.
AzWolf 5
Good for her! She probably felt relieved. Bad for you though :(
TwinkleToes7 15
Gross!!!!!