Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML
Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
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Top comments
jibz 6
Should've mentioned sex, it's a great calorie burner.
craigkid 2
spit ..
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Comments (134)
zarii 0
she is right tho..!
OneEyeAskew 1
Your girlfriend has an eating disorder and needs professional help.
jomotto 3
YDI for not producing fat free semen !
Blaqk 2
Excuses excuses.
RayeofSunshine 0
Who said she had to swallow?
KamilleBlack 3
Or u guys can just have sex. That's a good way to burn some calories and even if it weren't true, ur girlfriend sounds dumb enough to buy it..
Zodiac666 0
The more iikely scenario is that she just didn't want to suck your pathetic microscopic dick.
JustJess666 0
thats bullshit. im on a diet and i still give my husband a *******. she just gave you an excuse for her not to do it. just wait til she is sleeping and then just stick it in there. hell of a way to wake up lol
shopaholic094 0
YDI for being with such a high manite
JustJess666 0
wtf my comment was moderated?? o well. all i was saying was thats bullshit. that i do it all of the time. it doesnt mess up her diet. get a better girlfriend op. she sucks...well maybe not.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Just because you do doesn't mean she needs to. Everyone has their own preferences; her preferences don't make her a bad girlfriend so there's no need to "get a new one".
JustJess666 0
actually i was joking. i know it doesnt mean she is a bad girlfriend. but she is being an idiot because it will not mess up her diet in any way, shape, or form. its probably just a lie to get out of doing it. much like the headache excuse. o well thats my opinion on the subject.