Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML
Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
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Top comments
jibz 6
Should've mentioned sex, it's a great calorie burner.
craigkid 2
spit ..
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Comments (134)
redbeezy 0
just dont swallow
birdofparadise 16
I'm on a diet too, but I do that for my bf, and then just add the calorie count ;)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Well, she could spit it out, or you could warn her and she can stop before it goes in her mouth. :p
fizzypop14 3
a teaspoon of seamen is 3 cals
fthku 13
Damn, you must have a pretty weak navy.
tweet456 0
just spit it out!
annihil8or 15
Tell her she can give u a bj and then work off the calories in bed
TashaBear 0
just pull out and blow on her face or something. she's using the calories as an excuse. trim up the thing and maybe she'll consider.
sallen0046 4
Technically she's right. YDI for a) wanting a one-sided sexual adventure, b) not at the very least stating that swallowing was not necessary and c) not suggesting regular sex instead of you were truly interested. Don't complain when you refuse to acknowledge all other options.
seanoflynn 0
goddam it, just rape that bitch!!!!!!
raha95 0
tell her not to swallow