Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML
Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
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Top comments
jibz 6
Should've mentioned sex, it's a great calorie burner.
craigkid 2
spit ..
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Comments (134)
Air_Force001 0
it's true there's calories but sex burns it off fast
Pazu_fml 10
Alternatively, OP is gullible and his girlfriend just doesn't want to give him a *******.
msc717 0
wow.......it won't effect her diet so.. tell her that and make her suck it!
ashleeyka 13
i bet all people who said you deserved it are girls... stupid. that's selfish. and i'm a girl.
angela3222 0
Ahahaha, we always have at least one kid like that in our class.
mfelax9556 8
sperm has 0 calories
meintx 9
Um, tell your gf that sucking your dick is not what made her fat. If she put a little more effort into that bj she'll be burning calories. Oh and make her do some of the work during sex instead of just laying there. Lol
Janae1 5
Tell her its good for her skin
jonadon 0
I thought protein was good for your diet
skikid 0
convince her that giving you a ******** will burn more calories