Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
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Comments (246)
Kyothine 0
Pwnd.
chyeahbro 0
tell her that if she wants you to go to tuna town then she better get used to your beef bus
b182link 0
aghh that sucks
vsnuggs 1
win!!!!^
GeorgeForPm 5
she'd have to be vegan for this to make sense.
theubersauceness 1
epic win
ViQValentine 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Pwnd - Yes Slightly Illogical yet Logical Vegetarian - Also a yes.. It's not like you're actually eating meat.. But I could see why a vegetarian wouldn't want to suck someones dick. Possibly because they're thinking that if they swallow any amount of sperm, it's like they're eating not-so-fully-developed people.. And to a vegetarian, that's probably the worst thing you can do. Eating sperm probably makes you go against your vegetarian ways and turns you into a cannibal. So yeah.. makes sense. Maybe only in my head, but it still makes sense. At least to me..
DenBriZel 31
245- or she's just making excuses so she doesn't have to suck his dick.
Tehalon 0
If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.
amrik 11
no say it's against my religion :)
kjklopu 1
Or I'm not asian I don't eat cats
JOEYPIZAZ 0
boy that sure does ******* suck. DITCH THAT SHIT. VEGETARIANS ARE GAY.
broken_heart_fml 0
ummmm wowww imm sloww and a little on the retarteddd side for common sence but i meannn seriousllyy nowww? she cnt be that retared can shee?
Cormophyte 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You deserved it, you're dating a vegetarian.
goodtimesx2 0
and ydi for dating a dumb piece of shit
lissa922 6
don't judge all vegetarians because of her and maybe she just wasn't ready!
Whoopdiedoe 0
Amen brother and op fyi be glad she disn't blow you if dhr thinks this onvolves the actual EATING of meat...
drybamboo 0
I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.
nahgemsoohc 0
it'll be a cockmeat sandwich!!!
Ali_From_Texas 1
A whatwhat.. :P
DaftBrian 0
thats what you get for dating a ******* hippie.
HebrewHammer 0
She's probably not comfortable with it then and you shouldn't be pressuring her...
beatleschick1940 9
I agree
dudeman1212 22
Or she thinks she has to bite off some of his ****... ... And eat it...
cocainewhore 30
#8 I feel like an asshole, accidentally down voted you. I wholeheartedly agree with what you are saying, if the OPs girlfriend doesn't want to give him a ******* then she doesn't have to do it, the OP sounds like he expects it or thinks he deserved it.
courtneyissofuck 0
#2 - that wasn't funny. at all. #3 - YOU are gay.
McLaughlane 0
That's really not such a big deal. lol. Don't pressure her, if she doesn't want to do it then that's her choice, regardless of her reasoning.