Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
Today, my girlfriend is mad at me. Apparently in her country, not burping after a meal is very rude, and means you think their cooking skill is bad. I get throat gurgles, not burps. I tried to explain, but she thinks I made up a fake condition. It’s not fake, just so rare it’s unheard of. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose THAT much weight." FML
Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML
Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML
Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML
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Top comments
bargarlm 2
So she thinks she's full of air? That makes sense, sounds like she's an airhead....
tellithowitis 13
Just nod your head and say yes
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Comments (214)
deathbygrapes 0
FIRST!!
Lichinamo 33
Ninja'd XD
Lichinamo 33
XD wow..........
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Sounds to me like she's burning off plenty of calories! Or brain-cells :D
Falalala243 0
I hate when people use "XD". So annoying.
graham11 14
63- seriously. Like whatever happened to simple emoticons like :)?
darien987 1
You still do the XD? This is me judging you.
MedKits 9
4- Trying making that face in real life and see what happens.
kyarush 10
Wow at your horrible comment.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
153 needs to learn how to write a sentence. 169 needs to learn how to spell. 175 needs to learn how to use grammar. XD ;)
IcyJack 7
176 needs to learn to shut up.
yumlicious 4
Trying should be try.
baconstrips 12
188- that's not spelling though ya dumbshit
boofgall 16
192- don't call 188 a dumb shit, he didn't make that accusation, #176 did. 188 merely pointed out the wrong word used.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
192- did you just call someone a dumbshit? You must feel so cool right now...
tellithowitis 13
Just nod your head and say yes
philipino 24
Or shake it and say no.
DKParth13 5
No.^
n_epic_fail 14
She probably lives by the motto "a few burps a day keeps the pounds away."
Justforlolz 14
Wait, so burping DOESN'T reduce weight? Shit, so much for my plans to fly
CoolRainbowdash 15
#31 she does it all the time
Jirekianu2 19
There are a few things you don't just tolerate. A girlfriend liking twilight? Sure, long as they admit it's not the pinnacle of literature. Little quirks are fine. This is fundamental and stubborn ignorance that can be very indicative of her overall personality. OP, explain that if anything not burping reduces her weight. Warm air rises.
Falalala243 0
why?
FarSide 23
Perhaps her excess gas is inside her head.
shadystyle 6
if she burps enough, she could puke and lose weight that way
ScaughtieHolden 11
That wasn't very creative 31. The rhyme is already there, "an apple" and "doctor" are interchangeable with anything.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
*Sigh* If only...
Hunthas 17
Technically she is losing volume due to the release of gasses from her stomach.. She will have less mass the more she burps... Sooo... Yea... Conservation of masses>idiots who judge while having less knowledge then those they are critiquing...
ColdplaySucks 18
You have a lazy girlfriend who's a blatant idiot. I think you should check yourself on your women preferences...
WCARlover 35
She sounds so smart lol
permannator 10
Well 114... Mass and weight are two different things..
KeyboardWarrior 10
-#104 Cool story bro.
sExxicHiCky123 0
Better out than in ;D
sinking_fish 12
39- No, no, no. Fizzy Lifting drinks from the Wonka Factory make you float. Burping makes you descend!:)
kyarush 10
Tell her semen is a natural fat burner. Your welcome.
David199619 8
Third
bargarlm 2
So she thinks she's full of air? That makes sense, sounds like she's an airhead....
chocol8m 6
Let me guess...she's a Blond right?
unitedfan11 0
Oh so you have one of those type of girls. Just tell her it's a scientifically proven fact that burping too much leads to obesity. That'll make her stop for sure.
Nightmayre 7
And I love it when people insult other's spelling of "blond," as if they don't know both are acceptable.
FmyLifeInsurance 1
5-good one teehee
IcyJack 7
Op should tell her that she is deflating the air in her head and could cause a catastrophic stupidity meltdown.
HippoCampus 7
Bitches be crazy.
jkatz1227 6
PhillyD Nation?? lol
Enenra 4
Depends on what she's burping up.
bearnblue 0
Im guessing your girlfriend is a blonde. * blondes across the world thumb me down*
hemz_fml 13
Woodysgamertag
VinoVeritas 18
At least she's not sucking helium back to lose weight...
StillSinging9594 0
But that would be so much more entertaining!
xSonic 9
He should plunge air outta her butthole with his pe- Too far?
upyourzlolz 11
No 66, too stupid.
jwade11 12
Ok so I love number 7's picture (and yes I just commented on someone's picture).. I love cats!!!......... And next, ummm.... OP's gf seems dumb as hell. I mean, I AM DITSY and I know burping doesn't do that! But honestly burping isn't hurting her so go on and let her do it, it's not hurting anyone. She can just continue burping thinking she's getting slimmer. What can you do.....
Meowingtons500 18
Smile and nod. Don't burst her bubble, if it makes her feel good, why not.
FarSide 23
I'll tell you why. Because it doesn't stop with burping or farting to shed weight. Next she will think FMYLife is an advice column, global warming is real, toilet water swirls counter-clockwise in Southern Hemisphere, Santa is fake, etc... etc... etc... OP just has to nip in the bud. Nip it. Nip.
DFlit1 0
Well global warming is real... It may not have the direct and noticeable effect of getting really hot all of a sudden but the earth is climbing in temperature every year and believe it or not will result in the next iceage happening much sooner than the earth originally planed. Thumb me down but science has proven this theory, it's happened before except much slower
Meowingtons500 18
How did my comment about smiles and bubbles turn into a multi sentence debate on global warming? :S
getoustahere 7
#8- I love your picture! Lol consuela!!
Meowingtons500 18
Oh fanks, I like yours also. Consuela is the main reason I enjoy that show. She's amazing.
getoustahere 7
True dat. Its a Shame she's in barely any parts
MedKits 9
148- Yawn. Have done many research papers on the subject. Not proven. Still a theory.
docscientist 10
170 - Say 'just a theory' again. I dare you, I double dare you ************, say 'just a theory' one more goddamn time!
yumlicious 4
Just a theory.
docscientist 10
Aww shit, you just did it. Don't be complaining to us when your world be burnin' and we do nothing because you just had to say it again!
DFlit1 0
Ya the earth goes thru natural phases of climate shift and the earth get really warm and it causes it to fall dramatically into an iceage it's happened hundreds of time in the earths history and it will happen again global warming simply states that we as humans r speeding up that process which will cause the next iceage must sooner than it should have happened
IllogicalGenius 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Time to get a new girlfriend...hopefully one that doesn't hate libraries...
KiddNYC1O 22
Or common sense.
graham11 14
9- time to get a ******* life. Just kidding. That wasn't nice.
MistaBlista 9
Not what the trainers on The Biggest Loser would do for workouts, I'd imagine...