Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Narcolepsy
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Repetitive
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Replaced by a clanker
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Time is money
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Spill the tease
Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
Top comments
UH60 26
Are you by chance the same guy that 'accidentally' slipped into the wrong hole yesterday?
Steve95401 49
Make sure to sleep on your back or on your side facing her. Also, be careful about bending over in the shower to pick up your soap off the floor.
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Comments (234)
LiquidFantasy 19
Wow.. She's such an ass. Ahahaha
BoltTheSuperdog 22
*rimshot*
Xx_Slayer_xX 22
#188; Rimshot? More like Rim Job..heh. I'll show myself out.
liamwolf792 11
I suggest seeking a new girlfriend cause that's just ****** up
OysterPearls 33
A wise man once said, "Sex is like a boxing match. If both people don't agree to it, one of them is committing a crime."
rileyrae0000 23
I desperately hope she is joking. Otherwise, I definitely agree.
MrsDruidess 23
maybe she's proving a point and OP like most guys wont STFU about wanting anal sex with her ass and she wants to turn the tables . . . its only fair ;-)
tantanpanda 26
Don't dish what you can't take. It goes both ways. If you're pestering your significant other for anal, don't be a bitch when they ask you for it. Of course, I'll give OP the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't ask her for anal.
YourOpinionSucks 22
I've carefully explained to my girlfriend, that if she tries to put anything in my ass, I'll break up with her no questions asked. Safe to say that I haven't been penetrated.
Drosophila82 18
And that man is John Oliver I believe
xxmirandapandaxx 14
Hey man don't knock it till you try it. My boyfriend was super against it. Then he realized what the male g spot is like. Totally worth it.
TheOneAndOnly5 12
I'd run if I were you
psychopolarbear 28
Just don't slip and fall forwards
Blaisey 22
I wouldn't turn my back on that girl
Morning_fml 22
Otherwise he wouldn't be able to run, if you catch my drift.
CanadiAnM8 24
I guess you could say you're ******.
CallMeBatman 15
Well, not yet...
tattoosandtea 5
you mean buggered
ComoEsJuan 24
Pretty sure that might constitute as rape.
lil_ham1644 29
#5
OysterPearls 33
It does. One cannot give consent if they are asleep. OP's girlfriend is either just trying to scare him, or is seriously messed up.
wheelchairchick 11
I don't know if they will do anything cause he is a guy but I would call the police if she does it or tries.
gracehi 33
Seriously. What's with all the ass rape going on lately on FML?
LastResort318 14
As long as she inserts something into him, it will be rape. Is she forces him inside her, it would not be.
JustinJK 21
If she forces his penis in her. That is rape.
OysterPearls 33
40, both are sex acts. It doesn't matter who's inserting into whom, nonconsensual sex acts are sexual assault/rape.
I_Like_Dogs 28
#40- Yes it would. Rape is any kind of sexual intercourse where one person is being forced/unconscious/below the age of consent. I doesn't matter who or how, rape is still rape.
LastResort318 14
The police definition doesn't count it as rape even though it should be.
thisguy22 33
@67 That's just bananas.
riffehunter 16
the banana is right, beind forced to penetrate is not legally considered rape. because apparently getting an erection is a voluntary action, although I think anybody with a penis has had an unwanted boner at some time.
ironik69 31
Actually, your body is able to react even if you don't want it to. Many female rape victims experience sensation and even ******. Hence the self blaming that many of them admit to. Therefore, even if a male experiences an erection, if he is forced into a sex act that he did not want, it IS legally rape.
daemonsparta 16
banana, its not listed as rape but it is listed as sexual assault. it SHOULD be but anti make propaganda tries to silence speakers. same with domestic abuse.
9a_1z 12
I assume you mean to say 'anti male propaganda'. Where do you think the idea that men are so tough and always up for sex that they can't be raped came from? It's definitely a view that needs changing but it's way more than some shadowy anti-male organisation at work.
Vegetarian27 24
I think they meant "anti rape propaganda." Also, it's not an anti-male organisation, but is actually another issue with female qualities being seen as inferior. Outdated views of gender roles state than men need to be stoic, and vulnerability is seen as feminine, therefore any make displaying vulnerability isn't taken seriously as he is considered to be less masculine than the stoic guy who suppresses his feelings. It's ******* bullshit because it shows the attitude society has towards anything "feminine," which has a negative impact on all genders.
MRSwick2525 23
A lot of people argue that men can not be raped because they do get an erection and it is always assumed it is because they are turned on. However men to get a hard on in fearful situations as well as just randomly happening. They do not always have to be turned on to get an erection.
FenHarel 9
I don't want to sound ignorant, but couldn't you put it in even if he isn't erect? I mean, I don't see the point, but if he never got hard would that still constitute as rape/assault to the police?
whynotbliss 18
You, my friend... Clearly don't understand how laws or rape works. Police don't make the laws, and any police WOULD consider anyone putting anything into or on anyone else, in a sexual manner, without consent as rape. Though in this case it would most likely be specified as forceable sodomy (still an act of rape). Now, proving the crime is the difficult part. Since it's a ***** and there would be no DNA evidence left behind it would be based on tearing and a case of he said she said. THIS would be the fact that police would impress upon the victim, not the fact that they 'weren't raped'.
Arot6 17
#67, it depends on the location. I know in the UK, it isn't considered rape, but in some US states it is.
brezzyanna 17
Actually, 40 is right depending in the country. In the USA, rape is defined as penetration, so a man being forced to insert his penis doesn't count. Most countries classify it as sexual assault, not rape, but the charge is the same.
jude_iscariot 7
No, that's not true. Not even in the least bit.
imlovingmylife 8
After nearly 150 dislikes later, I hope you've come to realize your stupidity.
neepmeep 8
That is still rape. He would not be a consenting partner
Steve95401 49
Make sure to sleep on your back or on your side facing her. Also, be careful about bending over in the shower to pick up your soap off the floor.
meanleank 15
Oh nah???
psychopolarbear 28
It's bad when a grown ass man has to fear stereotypical shower rape in his own home from his own girlfriend.
interesting33 37
I would suggest calling the police. This surely counts as the threat of rape.This situation is not ok. And more than that, the fact that many people might struggle to make the phone call for fear of society's reaction is not okay. Please protect yourself OP - this is really wrong and she has no right to do that to you or make you feel like this.
chosha_fml 27
Or just take and hide/lock away the ***** and tell the wannabe rapist that no means no. What a ******* nutter.
gallifreyanqueen 10
144 hiding the dido might not stop her. She could very easily use something else.
armyant98 15
Well, better sleep with one eye open from now on. Much luck to you good sir
imbored932 4
Just make sure it's not the brown eye that's open.
dBLIZZARD 20
Hide
MisterEx 28
And she will seek ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
weveallbeenthere 30
you may be in for a rude awakening.
callalilley 18
Sounds like she'd be a pain in the ass.